<$BlogRSDURL$>

Friday, December 29, 2006

ROAST YOUR NUTS 

Right, that's it.

If I see one more blog where someone

(a) goes into great detail about the amount of baking they did over Christmas

(b) describes how they served up five different types of gravy

(c) gloats about how great their roast potatoes were

(d) posts up millions of pictures of their ugly brats dressed in uncomfortable burgundy jumpers opening presents to provoke lots of comments from gormless "moms" in America saying "honey, your kids look so beautiful and the baby is sooo cute that I guess I'm feeling all broody :) you look like the perfect family and your Christmas looked like real fun :) ((((((love you!)))))

(e) brags about how you DIDN'T WATCH ANY TELEVISION ALL DAY, oh no, but had a proper FAMILY Christmas and sat down and played backgammon or had general quizzes or played quoits or had a lovely walk in the countryside after the dinner and it was crisp and sunny and with all the family together it was so ... MAGICAL

(f) posts up even more pictures of your happy, content children, along with happy, content grandchildren and happy, content grandparents just for good measure .....

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGG

They I will click on that flag which notifies Blogger of objectionable content.

That is all.

Comments:
Totally with you there, Betty.
For the record, this year - as every year - I had no tree, no decorations, no Christmas dinner, no ugly brats. Just lovely peace and quiet.
(Sorry if that's just as annoying) …
 
The roast potatoes were great, I'm afraid. But then, Small Boo's roast potatoes are great whatever the weather.

After we ate them, we went out for a walk armed with baseball bats, and beat up any burgundy-clad grandchildren we could find.
 
I love you Betty. That is all.
 
I got drunk during preparations for dinner. Was asked to help out with the meal but dropped the butter on the floor and was banished from the kitchen. It's a plan that works for me Christmas after Christmas.
 
Buggery fuck, Betty, has there been a christmas? Why didn't anyone tell me?
 
The baking starts after Christmas for me.

The only cooking I did was to nuke the Xmas dinner for 2 minutes in the microwave, mmmmmmmm, piping hot or die.
 
Dive - the ideal Christmas state really. A pity that other people have to ruin it all, eh?

Tim - my roast potatoes are okay as far as I can tell. I'm pretty good at beating on the brat with a baseball bat too.

Annie - thank you. I love you too, but not with any ((((())))'s.

MJ - very good approach to avoiding Christmas Day duties. I'm terrified of having to eventually cook for a party of ten, which I fear may happen in a few years. Gulp.

Vicus - I suppose you wouldn't know being out there in Hampshire. Is it still a pagan October festival round your way?

Istvanski - the Kerry Katona approved Iceland all-in-one Christmas roast on a foil tray. Just the thing I plan to serve everyone if I'm ever called up for cook for a party of ten. Bollocks to 'em.
 
This'll cheer you up Betty - my Xmas was grim. (I cried three times and I'm really not a weeper normally).

I won't be blogging about it either.
 
No kids - just Pizza!
 
Spinsterella - actually, it doesn't cheer me up to find out that people have unhappy Christmases. It just confirms what I think may be pretty commonplace. Families though ... can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em as I always say. I hope things are a bit better for you now anyway Spin.

Kaz - Pizza is probably easier on the digestive system than a roast and Christmas pudding. No kids, not at any price (unless they're thrown onto an open fire of course).
 
We had turkey curry for lunch (you know the way your Mum makes it with Sharwoods curry powder and sultanas in)and Dad made a turkey Spanish omelette for tea. I believe there's still some left. I don't understand, it was only a breast. Bernard Matthews appears to have bred fowl that can reproduce when dead and cooked.
 
i bought a bernard matthews turkey by mistake. xmas dinner was therefore spent manfully chewing through a dinner the texture of working class shoes. nasty.

um.

happy new year.
 
too bad! the gravy was great, the potatoes were great, we all wore red and
no wait, there was nudity; i distinctly recall it..
never mind.
 
I wish I had objectionable content. I would feel like I've achieved something in the world.

I think next year I'm having Christmas alone. Just me and a bottle of Babycham.
 
Orange, the bastards, have another outage so Betty may be unavailable for a while.

This has been a public service message.
 
Do you think they have wind? We had outages yesterday because a car had totalled itself on the telegraph pole down the road that carries the local transformer.
 
My pet hate is the ones that blogs abotu how stressful and draining all that shopping and commercialism is, and then post a pic of their kids next to a Christmas tree surrounded by enough presents for ten children. Hello...can we say, 'part of the problem'?
 
Take heart in the fact that the kids in burgandy jumpers always look well groomed.
 
Apologies in advance, but, I'm still having a nice time and my baking photo will be appearing very soon.
 
Talking of public service announcements, Mr P. is suffering from an Orange Outage after consuming 2 whole packs of Satsumas.
 
Wow, what a lovely time I've had this Xmas. Seen all my family etc etc. But yes Betty, in general I'm with you all the way. And this says it all for me - one of my grandchildren had some dolls called brats, and they ice skated round on a plinth in all sorts of different positions. So muchh high tech design and do you know what she played with the most, and had most fun with - a little furry snake thing that cost less then a quid.
 
Wow, what a lovely time I've had this Xmas. Seen all my family etc etc. But yes Betty, in general I'm with you all the way. And this says it all for me - one of my grandchildren had some dolls called brats, and they ice skated round on a plinth in all sorts of different positions. So muchh high tech design and do you know what she played with the most, and had most fun with - a little furry snake thing that cost less then a quid.
 
Gawd bless ya Betty, you loveably cynical admirably miserably old cow.

What if I posted all that crap? I'm on Wordpress. What are you going to click for retribution then? Eh? EH?
 
Oh dear - completely forgot to blog about Christmas.
 
Geese are shite. The honking bastards chase people.

That is all.
 
Richard - perhaps you've been eating ostrich instead of turkey.

Surly Girl - and a happy noo year to you too. We had Welsh Hill Lamb, which was okay. I thought there were mountains rather than hills in Wales though ...

First Nations - yeah, the nudity. Same here. I'll be posting the pictures up soon.

Boz - what, one of those very small bottles of Babycham? I still harbour the idea of "getting away from it all" by spending Christmas in a hut on the Isle Of Grain.

Chosha - yeah, children seem to have a mountain of presents these days, which must keep them amused for all of five minutes. Still, if people insist on buying them all that crap, let them get on with it.

Beth - well, my Christmas hasn't been TOO bad either. I haven't done any baking, of course.

Murph - I dread to think what sort of Orange outage that might have been. *shudder*

Tom - it's always the same with kids, isn't it? So if I'm ever in the awful position of becoming an auntie (hopefully not, but you never know) then all the little sods are getting for Christmas is cardboard boxes.

Russ L - well, I will get my retribution somehow. I'll find out who owns Wordpress and send him a formal letter of complaint. Heh heh heh.

Stitchwort - so did I, by the look of it. Or "my" Christmas, at any rate.

Garfer - ah, just read your Christmas dinner post. We had pheasant one year. Very tough pheasant, with about enough meat on it to feed a kitten. Oh, and geese frighten me.
 
Oh Betty, it must have been you that marked my blog as being 'objectionable', although it could very well have been vicus.

I did post picures of children, but then I didn't talk about baking. Oh wait....perhaps I did.

Ah well. Your post made me laugh and that's always a good thing.
 
Oh, it was the pictures of baked cakes, Christmas roasts, every last present that the kids received, how people had really perfect families and a really perfect Christmas Day. I seemed to see a lot of those kinds of blogs and just ... snapped ...
 
Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?