Tuesday, December 19, 2006


You are a middle aged man. You have to decide which qualities are most attractive in a woman:

Life experience.
Ability to chew gum and walk at the same time.


"Youthful" "exuberance"
Inability to cover up your arse.

I think we know the answer to that one, don't we?

Mike Read appears to have got the one that was left over. Congratulations, Mike.

This post is dedicated to the lovely Spinsterella.

"Lloyd, 48, also struck back at her 24-year-old replacement with the most painful accusation possible: that she is not very famous. "Are they attractive, these Cheeky Sisters or Cheeky Girls or whatever they are?" she asked. "I don't do the sort of things they'll do - turning up for the opening of an envelope. But maybe Lembit really gets off on that.""

Go Sian!

Is it just me or are the Cheeky Girls in no way attractive? They look terrifying.
I think you should know that in my office, we were all getting VERY excited about this story yesterday. We had a few problems explaining to our U.S. colleagues exactly WHO the Cheeky Girls are - in fact, who any of these people are. Top British tabloiding!!
Was it the Cheeky Girls who are "a bizarre sex act too revolting to describe"?

People are often attracted to arses, which is probably the Cheeky Girl's excuse.
Apparently he (Lembit) has a huge, uh, private member.
I have a personal interest in this, of course, and have said so in my own ego-bound organ. It's probably what made be be so rude about the Fratellis this morning. Sian is the princess of all our hearts.
What next?
Ming and Chantelle?
Sian Lloyd presented a computer to my little brother's primary school back in about 1987.

God, maybe that's when she met Lempit! Poor woman.

Betty, are you saying that if I got my arse out occasionally I might be able to pull a sad, bullying failing politician?
Billy - of course, the woman who has been dumped has to get her claws out, although Sian hasn't gone far enough. She could really take advantage of the situation.

There is something a bit replicant-like about the Cheeky Girls.

Rhino75 - I should imagine there are a lot of British people who would be confused about who any of them are. I think some of them might have last been in the public eye for a few minutes in 2001.

Murph - I think that explains everything in a nutshell, and I can't really add any more.

Tim - I can't find the appropriate reference in the link to the Indy, but I'm pretty sure that Lembit Opik IS a huge member (sorry, obvious, but ...)

Boggins - perhaps Sian should have a fling with fellow weatherperson and Prince Of Darkness Daniel Corbett.

BTI on The Fratellis, Lily Allen, Bob Sinclar: superb.

Kaz - Probably, once she's got bored of Preston, which surely can't be long now.

Spinstella - I was thinking back to your post about men seeming to prefer airhead girlies to intelligent women. Not that you've been proved right, of course, but it does seem to keep happening to men in the public eye, doesn't it?

Anyway, I used to get my arse out for years and could never pull men with the debonaire sexiness of Lembit Opik or David Mellor ... sigh :(
I actually saw that episode of Millionaire, and it was pretty clear that the writing was on the wall.

It was very apparent that Sian was rather cleverer than her other half, but more importantly, that he found this really annoying.

I'm a middle aged man so I write with some authority.
Believe me, we'll take anything that still twitches when you kick it.
Paul & Heather McCartney were on Celebrity Millionaire about the same time and you could sense a bit of a problem where they wouldn't trust each other's answers. Maybe there's a jinx ... might even be old rubber features Tarrant next...
Along with 'youthful exuberance, and an ability to cover up your arse' you could also add that perennial favourite of middle aged men, an inability to speak English very well.

Can I just publicly disown Lembit Opik on behalf of my fellow citizens.
Spinsterella - politicians hate anyone who is more clever than them, so they're probably not a good bet for a long term relationship unless you have the IQ of a nine year old.

Dive - I gather you're not a necrophiliac then.

Murph - any chance of Jordan and Peter Andre going on there? Or Preston and Chantelle? I know they'd have to reduce the difficulty of the questions down to a "what's the capital city of England?" level but it would be worth it.

Realdoc - well, he's from an Estonian background and she's Romanian, so perhaps they both share an "outsider" status. Being half Yugoslav, maybe I should apologise on behalf of anyone in mainland Europe.

*grabs bottle of Slivovitz*
Has Lembit Opik considered that whichever Cheeky Girl that he has purloined may only be doing her stuff for the sake of staying in the UK? She and her twin should have been deported for overstaying their visa, and they owe money, too, according to Private Eye.
Tamburlaine - I wasn't aware of that, but it might explain a lot of things. Not that I would like to think of Lembit Opik being made a fool of. Perish the thought.
Mike Read, Mike Read,
275 and 285.
Mike Read, Mike Read,
National Radio 1.

They don't make 'em like they used to.
Ah, Mike Read, he was so New Wave back then, with his New Wave skinny ties, his jingle with the fake cockney accent and his New Wave showbiz mates like, erm, Shakin' Stevens and Cliff Richard. The sountrack to my nightmarish maths homework, that was.
Mike Read is a sleazebag - I was in BBC reception once and he came over and asked me if I knew who he was? Yeah - a four-eyed be-mulleted wanker!

Well, he did ask.
Ooh, I hope you did say that. Did you see the documentary that focussed on his stalker? Seriously frightening woman who used to sit at a typewriter naked composing love letters to him with her drawings of ejaculating members included. She was pleading with him to marry her. I hope she's still stalking him.
Betty - no I thought it but didn't say it. I did say 'yes of course I do'in a really unimpressed sneery way whilst rolling my eyes at the time. I was only about 22 - mind you I'm almost as rude now if not ruder actually. That's the nice thing about getting older I find.

I reckon he paid that woman to stalk him you know.
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