Thursday, November 23, 2006


... after the fashion of MySpace ...

November 23rd, 2006

Current mood: %*@:-) spaced out, with an undercurrent of suppressed hysteria.

At the moment, am "in recovery": nose has stopped dripping and phlegm is of a thicker consistency. An annoying tickly cough has developed.

Time to announce the results of the Jacques Tati competition, at long last.

Thanks to Istvanski, Molly, Homo Escapeons and Murphmeister for their contributions, but the winner and recipient of a bottle of shampoo from a Belgian pound shop with Turkish writing on it is Tim Footman for the masterful "Les Evacuations de M. Hulot". Congratulations Tim, the bottle of shampoo will be winging its way to you in, erm, Thailand ... hmm, wonder if I should "forget" to pay the postage so he'll have to pick up the tab?

However, recognition has to go to Murphmeister for coming up with the following contributions:

"By Jove. The sooner they invent toilet paper over here the better."
"National Ghent Dog-Sitting Championships kick off."
Dog: "That's the last time I get involved in a Tati stunt like this."
Dec & Ant: "Join us after the break for the next round of bushtucker challenge."
Caption: "One of several unsuccessful pitches for the lucrative Andrex account."

Because of this outstanding effort, Murphmeister will be receiving a special prize, twenty years' free supply of Bakers Complete Shite dry dog food. Congratulations, Murphmeister: a package from Bakers will be winging its way to you on a monthly basis until November 2026.

Now come on Betty, if this really was in the style of Myspace you would have to illustrate it with a picture of you pouting in your pants and a sidebar composed completely of comments saying "tks for the add"
Richard - you seem to know quite a lot of detail about Myspace. I'm beginning to wonder if you are quite the 23 year old hunk I was led to believe. I hope you're not grooming Betty now.
Murphmeister - please read the accompanying link where Bakers is reviewed. Apparently it's not suitable for farm animals for some unexplained and probably sinister reason.

Richard - "pouting in your pants" - you really might want to rephrase what is probably the worst expression I've seen used on the internet in a long time. Yech!

Murphmeister II - no worries, "Betty" is actually a 73 year old, 29 stone hermaphrodite who has been attemtping to groom popular blogger Girl With A One-Track Mind with little success. Yet.
Do groomers comb the internet?

I think my blog needs some nit powder.
Betty, tks. I worked hard on that.

Murph, I have been there recently on Vicus' instruction. It's scary.
Betty, you may have saved our lives!!!
Not suitable for farm animals yet force fed to us semi-pedigree bloggers!!! We're being poisoned!
I think Mr P. may be suffering foot-in-mouth and mad-old-bastard syndrome. We are starting a hunger strike and a dirty protest forthwith. Norfolk 'n Good will be our catchphrase.
Murphmeister, it's the thin end of the wedge. The dog in the report I've linked to was the son of a Crufts winner, and his life as a high maintenance, loafing award winning dog has probably been ruined by eating Bakers. Some Lynn Faulds Wood/Roger Cook type needs to investigate ASAP.
When I saw the review was from dooyoo I had to stifle a yawn or two. Some of dooyoo is very good, unfortunately lots of it isn't and this is one bit. I've emailed Purina to ask them for an explanation but I think it's probably going to be along the lines of "It contains real meat and it's not the done thing anymore to feed meat to herbivores, which is what the majority of farm animals still are."
News just in ... Alexander Litvinenko seen being FORCE FED Baker's Complete only a few days before death ... coincidence or not? We demand to know the truth.
I got a long reply from Purina. It's very long winded and convoluted but basically it's illegal to feed mamallian feed to herbivores on farms. BSE and all that.

Was Litvinenko a veggie?
I think they missed a word out because there's lots of mammallian herbivores, surely.
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