Saturday, October 21, 2006


The top five impersonations done by members of this household for the week ending 22nd October, 2006:

1 (-) Amy Winehouse - "they try ta make me go to rehab - I said NO, NO, NOO"

2 (1) Peter Crouch (gangly, goofy, toothy twit. Has a London accent, for some reason.)

3 (2) Tony Soprano breathing through his nose

4 (-) Rita Sullivan off of Coronation Street singing Bring Me Sunshine*

5 (4) "OOOOOOOOOW!" (Paulie Walnuts from The Sopranos)

* This is of course the opposite of Furious Rita, who comes to the fore every few years, usually when she is confronted by some awful action by a younger woman from the cast, possibly Sally Webster or one of her errant foster daughters who just disappear and never get in touch with her ...

Rita grabs a huge, garishly coloured clutchbag (possibly in an '80's purple or cerise hue) defensively held in front of her and blinks through seven coats of mascara, black liquid liner and mad staring eyes:

"By the HECK lady, I've seen some daft strokes pulled in my time, but you just about take the bloody biscuit."

(Rita storms off in a cloud of black, slightly metallic looking raincoat and patent stilletos, Coronation Street theme music strikes up, credits roll ...)

You tease! Do we have to guess who did which impersonation? I'm guessing Geoff for Peter Crouch, Tony Soprano and Paulie Walnuts and you for Rita Sullivan. But the verdict's still out on Amy Winehouse. Hints?
Amy Winehouse is a joint venture. It's very difficult not to do. What does the Crouch one entail? Do you have to try and bicycle kick everything that's given to you?
Peter Crouch is lovely! I can only hope that your impression of him did the God justice.
MJ - actually, we both do all of them apart from the Rita Sullivan, which was me. I've added an addendum to the main post about Rita which I thought about later when I was in the bath.

Richard - yeah, I should imagine everyone is going to have a go at the Amy Winehouse. The Peter Crouch is more Peter Crouch at a press conference with a few electropop moves thrown in.

Emma - I don't know if the impression does him justice, but it's the best we can come up with given the circumstances.
She's a bit nasally, that Amy Winehouse. I don't know about rehab but she should see an ENT surgeon.
Look, you need to come round my house and I'll make a YouTube video of you two doing the impressions. Ohhhh, come on...you know you want to. Who is going to have that really big mascara flick thing going on that Amy has? Go for it Geoffsterxx
Realdoc - the thing that worries me is that she seems to have undergone a race change in the video. Is The Black And White Minstrel Show going to be back on the telly again soon then?

Molly - I think Geoff would make quite a good Amy Winehouse actually. I'm not sure that either of us would be very convincing as Peter Crouch, unless we were on stilts.
rita's exit normally then cuts to the rovers for a "large gin and tonic". as if she hasn't had fifteen already today. random old lush.
Amy Winehouse is much better than my current obsession with singing "Riding around on my bike all day cos the filth took away my license" like Lily Allen. Even I find it irritating, and I'm the one doing it.
If I ever catch myself singing a Lily Allen thing I'll slit my own throat.

Rita would never say "Bloody", and well you know it. She's very restrained. Nobody ever swears in Corrie do they? Unless you count Steve McDonald's "flippin' 'eck"
Is there any robot dancing going on in your household?

Is the voting open to see Geoff in eyeliner for the Amy Winehouse number? Please?
Surly - you could be pretty close to the truth there, "alledgedly", but all of the characters in Corrie have terrible drink problems, apart from Schmeichel the dog and Little Chesney.

Del - it's a law of nature that a song you hate will get stuck in your head for days on end, until another song you hate gets stuck in there. As long as you don't start dressing as Lily Allen as well you should be okay.

Richard - oh, Coronations Street characters utter a "bloody" about once every six months, just to emphasise how ANGRY they are. I've definitely heard Rita use the expletive.

MJ - no robot dancing today. Lots of housework and tidying to do, which would be slowed down by robot dancing.

hmm ... haven't owned any liquid eyeliner myself since the clubbing days (in other words, circa early '90's at the latest) ...

*makes mental note to get some from Boots tomorrow*
I love Rita. She's one of my top spinster heroines.

(I know she's not actually a spinster, but give me a break, there aren't many role models out there. She's killed off enough husbands to make the grade.)
Is there any way of combining all of these impressions into one SUPER impression?

I have to second the youtube video.
Spinsterella - she also seems to have amassed a lot of money over the years, particularly after the death of the last Mr Rita. Mind you, if I was her, I'd retire and move to Spain.

Billy - I'm sure it would be possible with a variety of props, but the thought of doing a YouTube broadcast ... *shudders*
Hahahahahaha ! That Furious Rita is so accurate !

I`ve definately heard Reet use expletives in the past. In particular, she called Alan Bradley a "bastard" on (at least) one occasion. But then he did rip her off big-style, and attempted to kill her, I s`pose. So she must have been really angry.

Sally Webster said bloddy last week when Rosie did a runner.
Doh !
Not "bloddy". I meant "bloody" for fuck`s sake.
Sally Webster probably DID say "bloddy" actually - she is so terribly refained, after all.
I must admit to hearing "bastard" a couple of times recently and I think I heard Les say "bloody" the other week as well. A dreadful sign of the times, don't you think? Haven't seen it for a week though, so need to catch up. Have Frankie's tits reached critical mass yet?
I LOVE the Rita Sullivan one (tho' she'll always be Fairclough to me). I used to dream of owning a newsagents like the Cabin as a kid. Someone should have shot me.
Richard - you know, I used to watch old episodes of Coronation Street that were on Granada Plus (RIP) and there was a lot more swearing in the early '80's. I suppose it's keeping up with all the effing and jeffing on reality tv now.

Rhino 75 - I can remember when the Kabin used to sell records, and there was a Captain Beefheart album in the racks. I wonder how that got there?
The thing I could never understand about the Kabin was that nearly everyone smoked in Corrie but they (and the Corner Shop) had the most pitiful display of fags imaginable.
If you like Corrie, you might want to peek at Corrieblog - www.corrieblog.tv

All the best
Cheers, Nora. Roy Hudd on the mend, eh?

I'm a bit concerned about Rita and Norris going to Budapest, what with the unrest there at the moment.

(note to self: it's not *real*)
Rita won't stand for it if it kicks off.
S. does an excellent impression of the gay one who works behind the bar at the Rovers/in Underworld saying "I've been on two trams and a bendy bus".

It really is uncanny.

He came up with a very funny tart comment last night but sadly it escapes me...

I'd love to see your Crouchy though Bettster - can you you-tube it for us...

(p.s. am I alone in thinking that the David/Charlie/Maria (pron. More-ri-ur) storyline will see the former blackmailing the latter for sexual favours until the one in the middle gives David a sound thrashing.......?

dang - these were clean on too..)
Richard - I can imagine her laying into some demonstrators with her clutchbag. Norris would probably look on from the hotel window tut tutting and shaking his head.

Bob - I've checked Tina Baker's soap previews on Teletext (dear gawd. I really don't have anything resembling a life, do I?). Anyway, with regards to the Ratboy/Charlie/Maria storyline, the words "attempts to drown him in the bath" figure.

That put you off your stroke
I heard Charlie goes out with a er...bang? Is this David's redemption?

I'm genuinely sorry that Maria is turning out to be the Corrie bike (although she's in a kind of Corrie Tour de France with Frankie and Violent - first one to Roy Cropper wins) because that torch still burns for Tyrone deep down, doesn't it.

We stayed in a B & B in Blackpool last year and they had a signed picture of Tyrone in the hallway because he'd stayed in their caravan in Southport or something.
Ritagossip: A few years ago, producers decided to give Rita her onscreen 70th birthday and have a few familiar faces show up. Barbara Know, who plays her, found out about the storyline and freaked out, stating that Rita'a real age should never be revealed and threatened to walk. The idea was abandoned. I can fully believe she'd say 'bloody' at the very least. The Amy Winehouse impersonation is both infectious and addictive.
Actually, I remember a while back the storyline which featured Rita's "Very Special Birthday", although no one actually said the magic word SEVENTY. I think most people would have been able to work it out though.

I've always had the feeling that she is a bit of a diva. "Allegedly".
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