Thursday, October 26, 2006


Hi. Betty can't be here at the moment because she is seeking help for a chronic fungal toe infection with a chiropodist.

I'm Dr Ernest Furrowbrow, distinguished poet and Emeritus Fellow of Balsall Heath College Of Drama and Creative Writing.

A frequent complaint levelled at this blog is that it doesn't push the envelope as it were, and use language as it's meant to be used. Aaah ... words ... they are jewels, catching the light, amorphous, manifold, beautiful within themselves and also in the way that we perceive them!

They are not to be trifled with.

So, for the next six months, I will be using this blog to showcase my use of words, my ... poetry. Hopefully this will be a change for the better!

Let's start with one of my early works. I think I was stumbling around in the fog of words, then I came to this ... CROSSING ... and realised I was a poet ...


widely felt
alumni tried enlighten coach
embitter splint
"repeatedly skills unlocking commitment"
bayou caucus

Thank you for reading. I'll be here for the next six months and I hope I will improve your life.

Dr Ernest Furrowbrow

Part 6

Nancy thought that the starlight took her to the reality of words. In her hand it glowed and shone and it even then it took on an almost incredible warmth as she heard the words of poetry. She smiled and her eyes became glinting spheres of happiness as she found happiness in friends. The jewels of words. She saw, in the mirror of light, that the envelope was beautifully closed and perfect.

Now go to part 7.

That's disgusting!
Molly - "now go to part 7" ... how interesting!

The number 7 is an enigma - we think of 7 as a lucky number ... or 7 seas, or 7 brides for 7 brothers, or a "Party 7" can ...

Ah, away I go to mull over the number 7.

Istvanski - what an interesting idea Istvanski! However, I don't see "Homage" in this context as a disgusting word. It is - I don't know - a "recognition", a celebration even! No, definitely no negative intentions! Still, we all have different interpretations of poetry!

Come back!!!!

Some cunt's stolen your blog and is putting POEMS on it!

I can't cope with all this...
Bloody 'ell doc - I'm only a lowly ex Chemistry teacher and can't make much sense of this.
(sobs) *Want Betty back*
I challenge you, Sir, for I believe you to be a fraud and a charlatan. There are only Emetic Fellows in Balsall Heath, and, Sir, you know that to be the veracity of the situation. Explain yourself, I demand it, explain yourself. How dare you presume to quote the Holy Scripture of Management Consultancy (1 Corporate Brainwash: Chap.3, v.2) "repeatedly skills..."? Only a Guru of Bollockspeak is permitted to share such sacredness with the Ignorant. Now I must repeat the mantra of '80% of all language is bodylanguage' a thousand times, and pledge my undying fealty to The Business (my Leige), speak of Passion and Teamwork and remember how much I value your input.

I only came here for a fucking laugh.
This is the stuff you get on the bottom of spam emails to fool the spambuster.

Only someone who reads all their spam emails would realize this.
I lived in Balsall Heath and I don't remember the BHCDCW. Do you think he's having us on?
What's he done with Betty?
Spinsterella - I know from experience that people consider poetry "difficult", which I find strange. However, all I can say is - let the tide of poetry engulf you and feel its cleansing powers!

Kaz - as I said above - don't resist the tide of poetry! Be awash with words! Let the light of the water of poetry flow through you, into the darkest corners!

Krusty The Baker - what interesting ideas you have! I can assure you that I was Emeritus Fellow at one of the Oxford Colleges, but was frustrated: I wanted to work with students from humble backgrounds. To work with the common man is a challenge, but is so much more rewarding. As for the use of business speak in the poem, oh, it was there for a purpose. To subvert, in a gentle way, the rules by which the soulless businessman lives. The words used at business seminars - overused, as it were - become a dry husk, become, indeed meaning-LESS. I hope I have explained myself clearly enough! I am sad, however, that you only came to this blog "for a fucking laugh". Laughter is but one - rather superficial, dare one say it - aspect of the rainbow of human emotions. Think on it, my friend!

The Murphmeister - ah, I love dogs ... their eyes are so expressive, as is their body language. What would they tell us if they could speak? Is there poetry in their souls? I think there is. I cannot understand your reference to spam e-mails. I am afraid that I don't understand technology and am a naif abroad in the modern world! Indeed, I had to dictate this post and my response to your comments to my 17 year old helper, a lovely girl with whom I have a special bond!

Arabella - ah, the Balsall Heath College is a marvellous new innovation, to bring drama and creative writing to the masses! Who says that the nectar of the arts should belong to the sons of the privileged? Art belongs as much to the humble spot welder or shop girl! Let nothing stand in the way of art!
Whorra FUCKING liberty !
Release Betty without delay, or you`ll feel the shock-and-awe of the back of my hand. Motherfucker.
Ah, Sky, such a fine example of the use of visceral language! I really admire the way that the common man uses words: so devoid of pretentiousness or mealy mouthedness! Witness the stabbing, monosyllabic "shock-and-awe"! Or the word "motherfucker", which comes like a bolt out of the blue!

It surely stirs the blood!

Actually, I think I might get to like this FUCKING poetry lark !
Fuck, yeeeeaaaahh!!
I thought I'd stumbled onto some spam selling me VaILAGaRA. Dr Furrowbrow, would you fancy earning a few quid on the side?
Bettster and Geoffster - I know you are there - if you want to die of boredom then my new podcast is up. I did it from my bed over two nights - lots of duvet rustling and nearly falling asleep in between tracks xx
Richard, VaiLAGaRA is surely a word used by ancient tribesmen as a chant when they went into battle! A warrior cry! I find it very inspiring! I may go out into the woods, cast off my clothes, beat my chest and shout "VaiLAGaRA! VaiLAGaRA!". It is good to get in touch with one's primitive side!
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