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Thursday, September 28, 2006

ACROSS THE TRACKS 

I saw the interview with Girl With A One Track Mind on YouTube.

Which meant that I spent most of the night dreaming about Girl With A One Track Mind's future.

In the dream, she marries a man who is in his fifties, is a foot shorter than her and looks like a hybrid of Mohamed Al-Fayed and Brian Glover, with a shaven head, olive skin and mad, staring dark brown eyes. A brick shithouse of a man who becomes her agent and manager. She is so hopelessly in love with him that he controls her finances and elbows his way into co-presenting a series of television shows with her.

I watch them doing an Anne Bancroft and Mel Brooks style-dance routine together. Do television programmes like this get made anymore?

Then there is the interview on the David Letterman show ...

The last thing I see before I wake up is their rehearsals for a Holiday On Ice style extravaganza. There are a lot of arguments going on. It all looks pretty ominous.

Comments:
I'm all for more dance routines on TV.
 
Yeah, bring back the Young Generation, Dougie Squire's Dancers, New Edition ...

... and ...

I'm back to the Tiller Girls again I'm afraid.
 
I hope that Keira Knightly's gets $10Million and 5% of the gross when she plays Zoe Margolis in the 'upscaled' cinematic version of GWAOTM.

pffft 'Knightly'...

I am just guessing, who else would they get to play her...Sienna Miller?

It will be so sanitized and unrecognisable from the BLOG that your Grandma will be able to watch it...
Probably about as naughty as a Carry On film.
 
She should be played by Barbara Windsor in Carry On Blogging. With Ivor Biggun (Sid James) and Randy Deville (Bernard Bresslaw) as her overly amourous suitors and Turner Paige (Jim Dale) as the mild mannered publisher who sells her anonymous story to the world.

Only for the evil hacks from the Daily News, Dick Slander (Kenneth Williams) and Fanny Libeller (Hattie Jacques), to out her to the nation.

Leave it to Turner Paige and his boss, eccentric publishing tycoon Sir Jack Offcock (Charles Hawtrey), to save the day.
 
HE - if they want to make a sanitised version of GWAOTM there would be a couple of hours' worth of blank film really.

I suppose the actress would have to be an American doing that crappy not very English English accent which is always necessary for American audiences to hear(eg, Rene Zellweger - or Elizabeth Hurley, who doesn't speak with her own accent but with a Hollywood-English accent in Austin Powers)

Del - that sounds like a cracking plot. A shame that most of the Carry On cast are dead. Are there any living actors who could replace them?
 
Well, as anyone who's watched Carry On Columbus will be able to tell you, no.
 
To go with the Mel Brooks theme, why not have a mixture of Gone With The Wind And Blazing Saddles?
 
Was Peter Falk in Carry On Columbus?
 
No, silly, Peter Falk was the blond one in the Monkees.

(PS, that parcel arrived).
 
The ass in a box?
 
;-)

... this is all rather tedious for our two hundred and fifty regular readers who want to talk about Keira Knightley, by the look of things.

btw, what do you want for your tea?
 
Ah, so that's the girl...

my thoughts..

- God, she's smug ("my WRITING")

- God, she's dull (it was a long six minutes, eh?)

Anyhow, Keira'd have to actually start eating, that rules her out.
 
To be fair, I suppose it was difficult to do an interview for teatime viewers that made direct references to what she's writing about. Perhaps it would've made for more interesting viewing if she 'n' Sharon had sat down for a nice girly chat about anal sex and vibrators.

Yeah, the actress who played her would have to be a thirtysomething woman who looks as if she eats more than once a week. Do they actually exist in Hollywood?
 
Keira knightly...every time I see her I have an uncontrollable urge to give her a slap.
 
I love the fact that she says she was inundated with offers to appear on telly, so she had to choose carefully and go for teh best.

Sharon Osbourne?
 
Realdoc - oh, I'm a pacifist so I wouldn't advocate such behaviour. I would, however, slap Jools Oliver around the face with a piece of wet haddock. Or Allison Pearson. Or Mark Kermode. Or Lily Allen.

Spinsterella - Someone criticised her about that on the blog and she replied that she respecte Sharon because she'd gone through a lot of adversity - a bad relationship with her dad, drug addicted children, husband who is a bit simple, etc.
 
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