Tuesday, August 15, 2006


Sorry to be recycling Unwell Geoffrey's old posts, but I once more make reference to lantern jawed Bill Nelson-a-like Terry Christian and his outburst against Chris Evans:

"If you've got anybody hailing fucking Chris Evans as a genius, you've got something very wrong with the world, right? He's a working class kid from Warrington. No passion, no conviction, not interested in music, not interested in culture, not interested in the world of people...hates people. He's like Morrissey, he's a complete fucking misanthrope."

Apart from the fact that he is pretty spot on about Chris Evans, I'm sure that Terry has had a bone to pick about something that happened between the two of them in the dim and distant past. Perhaps they had a row over who landed the plum job on BBC Radio Warrington's breakfast show in 1985? Did Terry ended up losing out at the job interview and, as compensation, was given the the graveyard "Radio Quiet FM" slot between three and five in the morning. Who knows?

What I object to most is that Mr Christian does a real disservice to misanthropes.

I'm proud to stand up and admit that I'm a grumpy, people hating old git (although you will have worked this out by now). Although I wouldn't say I was quite as extreme as toddler tantrum throwing, child bride divorcing radio and television genius (as they used to say in the mid 1990's) Evans or Morrissey, the ex-pat former popstar. After all, Chris Evans is a bully and Morrissey seems to think that it's okay to continue letting millions of people die of cancer and Parkinson's disease rather than harm one ickle bunny wunny in medical research, and I don't really have time for that. Regarding the latter, it's possibly because I've witnessed both my parents and an eighteen year old cousin have long and gruesome terminal illnesses courtesy of the big C., and not because I'm full of goodwill to mankind.

Anyway, the upshot is, in my whole life I've probably met about twenty people at most that I actually like much. Consider all the other people you have to wade through to get to the good ones though:

1. Amoral, self promoting bastards.
2. The sort of person who says "I'm not a racist, but the thing is, there isn't enuff inbred white English people left in Britain and it makes me sick. I'm thinking of moving abroad to get away from it ackcherly".
2. People who think that someone is only a success if they have two massive cars in the drive and a salary over £80K.
3. People who will only associate with other people who have at least two massive cars in the drive and a salary of at least £80K.
4. People who drive 4WD's and say "it's an affront to my freedom of choice, having to pay all this extra tax".
5. People who talk about nothing but their Darling Ever So Gifted Children.
6. People with halitosis.
7. Wife beaters.
8. Nick Ferrari.
9. The sort of windows, doors and conservatories salesmen who virtually bully you into getting a consultation which you agree to out of politeness, then, when you decide not to get all your windows fitted for some extravagant price, harangue you on the phone for half an hour, telling you "it would be a TRAGEDY if you didn't have this job done".
10.Those really two faced (multi faced?) women in offices who slag someone off to your face, then slag YOU off the minute you leave the room.
11. People who Intend To Vote For David Cameron (ooh).
12. Fourteen year old boys.

Look, I've given you a dozen reasons to hate people. Think of all the other thousands, nay, millions of awful types of people out there! I'm entirely loathsome myself! Say it loud: "I'M A MISANTHROPE AND I'M PROUD!"

You will of course remember John Lydon's immortal *Gotchaing* of Mr. Christian Bettster?

JL told TC that there had always been a country influence in PiL's music.

"Oh yeah?" replies a clearly befuddled TC..

"Yeah, we're c***s trying", says Lydon.

Some days it's simply not worth leaving the house, don't you find?
Example: at The Book Shop yesterday, I was assisting a customer in her search for some Baudelaire; suddenly she says "Do you mind if I turn your label back in?", reaches out and tweaks the back of my neck to adjust my clothing!
I tell you, she was a second away from being the recipient of the most Miss Piggy-est side-swipe of all time.
Luckily, for her, I maintained my elegance (if not sartorial), pointedly returned my collar to its original state and informed her that yes, I did mind.
She bought the book.
I'm going back there today. God help them.
Bob - ... whereas Terry Christian is a Trying Cunt.

(Well. It was staring me in the face).

Arabella - having to work in a job where you're in contact with the general public only makes you despise them more, doesn't it? Do you think it is an obsessive/compulsive thing with her and she goes around doing that to people all day?
Oh, aye. "Taxpayers!" we'd splutter, when I worked in the Tax Office. "Consumers!" we'd splutter, when I worked for a computer dealer. "Teenagers!" I'm going to splutter when I work as a teacher next year.

Excuse me while I go and beat my wife.
Fie upon you all. I have nothing but love for everyone.

I don't like having to actually deal with, talk to or stand near them, but in principle I love all.
You forgot:

People who read the Mail.
Ok then - here goes 'I'm a MISANTHROPE and I'm proud'. However I don't really hate Morrisey.
I hate Monty Don, all Tories, all Liverpool supporters and people who play golf.
I think (though this might be an illusion brought on by Sauvignon) thatI might quite like you Betty.
I remember in the mid Eighties that Terry Christian used to do the word late at night on Piccadilly Radio, and Chris Evans was in the graveyard shot, alternating with Andy Crane, in the 5-7 am pre-breakfast show. Terry was a big and had a cult following. andy was popular in my neck of the woods because of local connections. No one really knew who Chris Evans was.

I think I agree with all of that hate list, although I amcurrently in between 14 year old boys. I would also add the sort of person who dresses like a fashion victim, weighs you up and down with a sneer, sits on the bus seat at an angle, with her legs crossed still sneering at you and then opens her mouth to talk to her friend and reveals that she has nothing to say and lacks the means to say it. I am talking specifically the 88 bus from Horeseferry Road going South at approx 6.15 this evening.
Great list. I agree with every word.
H-Rob - problem is, I usually hated the people I was working with as well as the public.

Won't you have to be armed and wear a bullet proof vest if you're intending to teach teenagers?

Russ - I think I gave up theoretically thinking I love people years ago. I'm sure I'm missing out on something by shutting so many of them out of my life. Probably a lot of stress and annoyance.

Spinsteralla - I was going to put "all Mail readers and the journalists who write for it", but it sounded a bit cumbersome. Then I thought "well, a lot of people who read the Mail don't probably agree with or believe all the rubbish that's in it". I came over all objective. A worry.

Kaz - I don't hate Morrissey, but he does occasionally say some daft things. Tories I hate even if they are erm, "really nice people" - all to do with having to leave school and go onto the dole in 1981. I've never got over that. Monty Don and Liverpool supporters - agreed. Dunno about me: I dislike myself a lot of the time.

Gert - so maybe the Chris Evans/Terry Christian grudge match is for real! I can remember Terry Christian being an Opinionated Young Person on one of those late night youth opinion discussion shows circa 1980. The other night I saw him presenting exactly the same kind of show, so he's come full circle.

Ah, sneering young girls - almost as annoying as the male counterparts but not quite as violent (I say usually ...)

Billy - cheers! Mind you, I should try to be a bit more positive. We all ought to lerve one another.

"I'm not misanthropic - I put up with loads of people"

- Mrs Doppelganger
Betty, my experience of the kids I'm about to teach is that most of them are fairly harmless. One or two need to be slapped into line, but I'm planning to scare the shit out of them.
Terry Christian is the kind of northern gobshite who would sound much better with a large black pudding stuffed down his epiglottis.

I failed on four of your criteria.

I'm going home, and I'm taking my ball with me.
People who complain about speed cameras, yet support draconian terror laws.

"It's just another tax!" No it's not. Just don't drive so fast. It's not rocket science. Thousands of people are killed by people driving too fast. Who needs terrorists?

I hate more or less everybody else, too. It's the depressing symptom of thinking too hard.
Every customer in The Book Shop today was lovely. That's simply perverse.
Doppelganger - I agree with her. It's not misanthropy, it's part of having to be alive.

Holyhoses - perhaps hypnosis would work (if you're not allowed to carry a gun or use self defence of any sort, that is).

Garfer - hmm, let me guess ... 1,3,4 and 11.

Actually, I've just noticed that I've numbered the list up wrong. Tut tut.

Del - too true. A lot of people think the definition of freedom is them being able to drive anywhere at any speed, parking anywhere, in gaz guzzling 4WD's or wanky sports cars. I bet all those accidents that leave you in a an hour long traffic jam every time you're on the M25 are caused by bastards driving too fast ...

Sorry. Need one of my blood pressure tablets.

Arabella - after the storm there must be calm. Or summat.
I forgot to say my favourite on the list was number 2.

I'd like to see that statement reversed, so people say "I'm a racist, but..." and then say something non-racist.
Re: GWAOTM - nah, she didn't post my comment up. There were about 103 (!?!) when I tried, so I knew where to look. Truly galling because she's put someone else's obvious spam up...

Mind you, I did slag her blog saying a *proper* one wouldn't moderate comments....

I was going to post something about that whole blogger identity thing, but I can't be arsed. For what it's worth, I think the whole blogging thing is a bit like the punk ethos - it's less about what you do, and more about knowing how important the very fact that you're doing it is - if that makes any sense...

wrod vercification: dfykc

So nearly so many things....
Billy - as in "I'm a racist, but have you noticed how many low paid, horrible jobs are filled by people from abroad because there are so few British people who'd do that kind of work?"

Bob - I agree about the blogging identity thing. I said something in a comment on Cultural Snow where I likened journalists' attitudes to bloggers to progressive rockers who couldn't remotely understand why a band like the Prefects would get up on stage and do an ten second song called I've Got VD. Just me attempting to be pretentious and falling flat on my arse as usual
i am a rural recluse; so if i go round shouting about my proud misanthropy i'll only be scaring the cows. and i like cows.
please give me another option.
Well...you know what Sid Vicious said in one of his more lucid moments:

I've met the man on the street and he is a....

But, some of 'em are nicexx

And Mark E Smith said, 'You can count your best friends on one hand' and look...you've got 20.

When you do find them...they are like the sparkledust of joy.
First Nations - fair point. You don't want to scare cows, which are usual better than most human beings. Only shout about your misanthropy when you have the misfortune to be in a crowd of people.

Molly - that Fall lyric about not having enough friends for one hand is one of my favourites (along with "married, two kids, I have a peculiarly goatish smell").

I dunno about friends being the sparkledust of joy. I prefer to think of them as being like fireworks. Sometimes they turn into damp squibs, but it's best to keep them at arm's length.
Betty, I love you. There, I said it, phew.
Actually there are two things going on here for me. I do hate people - actually I don't hate them, I hate what society does to them. If you get most people on their own and talk to them, most of them are ok. It's when they get caught up in all the bollocks of this world that they turn into arseholes.
Hats off to you Betts for maintaining the high standards we have come to expect of you - no pressure there then.
Great comments from Billy and Bob, have to say.
Tom - what high standards? I'd say the opposite was true.

Arabella - yeah, they should start a blog together ... Billybob's Place. People would think they were a dungaree wearing moonshine drinking inbred farmhand from Alabama.
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