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Thursday, August 03, 2006

INDIE SCHMINDIE 

The world of blogging was quite liderally numb with shock today because it appears that a whole several hours has gone by since one of the Independent's fragrant laaydeee columnists dismissed bloggers as a load of sad anoraks who should get a life and do something interesting with their time because they could never hope to get a job as a fragrant laaaydeee columnist with the Independent (non-British readers note: the Independent is a national newspaper with very poor sales figures).

According to several fragrant laaaaaaaydi columnists with the Independent, real life laaaydees should be hugging their children, spending at least five hours a day preparing something tasty and healthy for dinner at the Aga, juggling motherhood and a high pressured job as a laidey columnist with the Independent, bullying and berating other women who are not as *successful* as them, ordering their personal shopper to look out some Chanel suits for them to try on, deciding what colour scheme would work in the guest bedroom, planning a long-haul trip to Tibet for the weekend, deciding whether to attend a party to launch a new Salman Rushdie novel, applying for a job as a fragrant laaaaydeee columnist with the Times because the money is better, making wild, passionate love with their "partners" (except, being bloggers, they won't have "partners", tee hee), spending ages deciding whether they can wear the new "balloon" shape which is going to be in this autumn, getting into shape with their personal trainer and telling the cleaner off for not dusting behind the radiators.

* * * * * * *

In other news, the fragrant laaaaeedy columnists working for the Independent newspaper were quite liderally numb with shock today to find out that most bloggers couldn't give a flying fuck about getting a job with the Independent. Several wouldn't even consider working as a teaboy/girl on their local freebie paper, and indeed wouldn't want ANY CAREER IN THE FUCKING MEDIA. Some bloggers even went so far as to state that THEY ONLY BLOG BECAUSE THEY ENJOY DOING IT AND THERE IS NO HIDDEN AGENDA AND THEY DON'T WANT TO GET A PUBLISHING DEAL OR BECOME AN EGOTISTICAL ARSEHOLE JOURNALIST.

* * * * * * *

Ah, glad I've got that out of my system ...

(with thanks to the writer of this article)

Comments:
I trust that it did not take you so long to get that off your chest that it made dinner late today?
 
Well you may not want to become an arsehole journalist.....
 
Betty - well said la Betts. Blogging is a release, a place to come and share and be happy. And talk. And discuss. And be silly sometimes. But mostly, share and be free. Tis the only place I am free. I have come here *gets down on one knee* to ask you if you would like to be a team leader for my live quiz show. I have asked Robert Swipe to lead the other team. I do hope he is still around to do it. More details to followxxx
 
Of course some of us are already arsehole journalists, although not on the Independent I hasten to add. Mind you, as an arsehole journalist, if someone wants to pay me £500 to knock out a column on how crap blogging is, I'd probably do it, just because I'm an arsehole journalist. I wouldn't tell any of you lot I'd done it though...

My suspicion is that what is behind the Independent's attitude to blogging is a bad attack of insecurity about the Guardian comment is free blogs
 
Blogging is also proving itself to be a lot more useful, when you want to find out what's going on, than most traditional journalism. Just look what happened in New Orleans after the flood, or Indonesia after the tsunami: bloggers got the news out first. Baghdad Burning tells us more about what's happening in Iraq than a thousand military-doctored US press releases.

No wonder a lot of journalists are squirming. Most of the time, they're paid to write either thinly-disguised plugs for the latest gadget or hairspray (because they get their news from company releases); or hot-off-the-presses twaddle about which celebrity's bonking who (because said celebrities employ agents to keep the press busy with 'stories').

Janet Street-Porter? Since when was she a journalist, anyway?
 
Guess what? I went to 'Independent on line' to read the original Street Porter article and - after the opening paragraph - they invited me to 'buy' the full article for £1.
So Betty here's how you make your fortune, tempt us with a provocative opening and get us to send money for the rest!
 
I thought blogging would get Ed Norton to shag me...am I wrong to assume that?
 
Vicus - dinner is ready in half an hour (or should that be "yow dinnaz gunner be readii in arf an haaeewa"?). In the meantime, have this cup of hemlock.

MB - noo, it's not wurffit. You wouldn't want to work with Janet Street Porter, would you?

Molly - Yikes - captain of a quiz team? I instinctively shy away from any sort of responsibility (goes back to school days when I would immediately choose to be wing defence in netball). Besides, the other captain seems to have gone AWOL. It would've been a case of Stephen Fry versus Emlyn Hughes (with a Cannock accent) anyway.

GSE - that's what I suspected about the Indie. They have to set themselves up in opposition to the Guardian on blogging, just so that readers don't get the two papers confused in any way (ahem).

The thing that I object to is the way those columnists are criticising ordinary people for having the temerity to publish stuff on the internet. People who haven't trained as journalists! How disgraceful!

Mark - it's a pity that all the criticisms of blogging I've read so far seem pretty uninformed. Of course there's a lot of tedious stuff out there but the best of it shows up how dull, staid and bloodless a lot of writing is in the national papers.

Kaz - A lot of the stuff from the columnists' articles is quoted in the article I linked to at the end of the post. Don't get me started on Janet Street Porter! Why does she feel the need to criticise ordinary people (some of whom might even be reading her column?) She says that she doesn't want to enter into a dialogue with readers in a comments section. Fair enough, but what she is basically saying is that she doesn't care what readers think of what she's writing (and is being paid a lot of money for). That goes beyond arrogance ...

Time for those tablets for me blood pressure now.
 
ah Janet Street-Porter, i was wondering who was the object of Betty's mind-searing rage... i wouldn't have known as i never read a word she says (JS-P that is, not Betty!).

what really pisses me off is that some of these smug journalists aren't content to get paid to toss out any old crap but have blogs of their own as well! it's as if they can't bear to be left out, even though they think playing the game is so beneath them...

never mind. Deborah Orr's good though, isn't she?
 
The 'where do they get the time?' argument in particular makes me laugh.

You never see a column saying; '50 million British people watch TV every day WHERE DO THEY GET THE TIME??'
 
Ranter - well, would you want to shag anyone after they've shagged Courtney Love? Eugh. Mind you, I only started blogging in the hope of copping off with Boris Johnson. No luck yet.

Shykitten - it's not just Janet Street Porter though - there's Yasmin Alibhai-Brown telling us we should spend the time when we blog cooking, washing, cuddling, reading to the children and making love and Mary Dejevsky suggesting that women only blog about gynaecology and knitting. What a strange old bunch they are.

Spinsterella - it's primarily women that's aimed at though, isn't it. Shift your fat arse from the computer and do something useful! Do some dusting, clean the oven, wash the curtains! A woman's work is never done!
 
Amen!

*titter*
 
Does that mean you won't do it? Oh bugger....
 
I used to buy the Indie. Had done since day 2 (couldn't get day 1). It's now gone AWOL up its own jacksy. Deborah Orr was OK until she came out liking Lily Allen last week and that one-trick pony Robert Fisk, how absolutely boring can one get? I really have gone off newspapers big time and sadly usually only buy the Indie now for the cricket.Anyway, it's not, is it. Independent I mean. What was the name of that Sunday paper that came out about 12 years ago that the Indie bought? Correspondent or something, wasn't it? That was good.
 
i started blogging specifically in order to shirk my everyday responsibilities, throw my household into chaos and reduce my family to living under a bridge. despite this success continues to elude me as the mere thought of going without burritoes or letting my toilet get all sleazy with dog hair all stuck on it and bits of whiz spattered everywhere simply reduces me to a jelly. therefore i must confess i am a failure at blogging.
a failure.
i have failed.
 
Journos just hate the fact that we can all write "hilarious" columns about having the builders in now. Or "even more hilarious" columns about the process of writing the column.

I realised years ago that I was buying a newspaper mainly for the telly listings. So I started buying Radio Times instead. At least when you write to them using your green ink you might win a prize.
 
TC - I'm not pre-menstrual - honestly.

Molly - I'm getting seriously freaked out by the idea of doing it. "You'll cope" said Geoff. Not so sure.

Richard - I haven't read it for a long time actually - just look at bits of stuff on the internet. As Kaz said, you have to pay a quid to read the columnists, so stuff that for a game of soldiers.

First Nations - I'm a failure as a blogger, a housewife, a woman. When I started blogging I was sweet, feminine, cared about the keeping the house looking spotless, had a lovely girlish laugh and sweet temperament. Now I'm a bad tempered, cigar chomping old harridan with a voice like William Burroughs and a heroin habit.

Holyhoses - thing is, we get the Guardian *just* for the television listings on a Saturday. Still, reading it gives you something to pass the time on a Saturday afternoon, and you can always laugh at the smug gits in the Family section.
 
All you have to do is get the glory if your team wins. You won't be put on the spot or anything. I would never do that to anyone. After being made to run around a Hall repeatedly, towards a High Jump and falling over every time...I know the horror of humiliation. You also get to tell me off if I add up the scores wrong. If you like, you and Geoff can lead it. Then you won't have that competitive element of last time. Yes - Geoff and Betty to lead one team. That means I'll ask Rockmother to team up with Robert Swipe. How's about that?

*Throws sweaty gauntlet down*

How could you two resist the chance of going up against the Bobster and RoMo?
 
... blimey. Someone wants a maths round and someone else suggested art history. I think I would just have to be one of those captains who would do nothing apart from take free kicks, like David Beckham.
 
Right on Bettster. I wouldn't wipe my arse on that load of smug bollocks.
 
The problem nowadays is the Independent is so much smaller, so there's even less to wipe your arse on even if you wanted to. Bah.
 
Yes..they have asked...but the rounds I've already planned are poptrash. No worries. You'll be great.
 
Well ... alright, providing we can find a window in our hectic diary. We will have to dress up as John and Fanny Craddock.
 
Excellent.
 
To our overseas readers The Independent is a daily paper that doesn't fact-check its non-political content...

Yeah, the Street-Porter article sent sent me searching for a baseball bat too...but, hey, it got us talking about her/it, didn't it, which is what it's meant to do...that's how all these highly-paid columnists make their name: by flaming their readers w/ the most ridiculous/offensive comments they can think of; the dafter or more inflammatory the article, the higher their word-rate...remember Julie Birchill: in the 80s it was "I'm a Stalinist" and in the 90s it was "I'm a lesbian"...


I've really gone off J S-P...the same week she wrote some holiday/travel piece where she fucking flew from London to Cornwall to do a piece on how nice the restaurants were in St. Ives...how carbon neutral was that...the same week she's on TV rabbiting on about her 'green' credentials by highlighting an organic cod farm in Scotland which she flew up to visit w/out the slightest hint of irony...of course, Janet's so arrogantly self-important that she couldn't possibly spare the down-time to travel in a more environmentally friendly manner...

Fucking cockney media rambler...right to roam over our back-garden...get yr teef fixed & piss off back to The Smoke.

Phew. Feel a lot better for that.
 
PS can't stand Deborah Orr either...
 
Cockney media rambler ... hah hah.

Because she had enthused about the Sex Pistols in the early days and was involved in all that yoof tv stuff in the '80's, even though it was all a bit hit and miss, I naively thought that at least she believed that everybody should have access to a public platform if they wanted to express their opinions.

Now she has decided that no, the hoi polloi shouldn't have any kind of public platform because they're too dull and stupid to be proper journalists, and should kowtow to their, ahem, elders and betters.

I'm sure the woman doesn't even know/care what a hypocrite she is.

At least Julie Burchill has taken the "2006 - I'm a God-botherer" option and has kept a low profile of late.
 
It's all about maintaining the status quo, ain't it, keeping the riff-raff out...journos = pros; bloggers = amateurs. Keep these plebs in their place.

pro writing is/was all about getting connected, getting yr foot in the door...blogging/internet has upped the profile of a number of talented 'amateurs'...and the old guard don't like it, 'cos they might have to up their game or revise some of the outmoded bollocks they still come out with...

sad to say that most of these people actually think they're fucking cool at 59...

Yeah, she never lets us forget the 'hanging out w/ The Pistols' thing...she's always going on about it. Shows how subversive they really were, if J S-P was on the fringe of their crowd. Did you know she's in the Yardbirds scene in 'Blow Up'...? She keeps going on about that too :-)

Uh, did I misinterpret what you said...has Burchill found God...nah...really?

It was the next logical step, I 'spose.
 
Yeah, Julie Burchill has found God and attends church now (is it some sort of Christian anti-Islamic sect?). This from a communist. Still, it's in keeping with her usual consistent and logical approach to life. She's given up writing to study theology, apparently.
 
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