Tuesday, August 29, 2006


Bank Holiday telly, volume one of several hundred. Hopefully I will be able to spin this out for a bit.

... actually I have got masses of ideas for posts at the moment, while at the same time being fucking sick and tired of blogging. I think I have some sort of blogging anaemia. Every time I surf the net it sucks the life out of me, whereas it used to be *fun* ...

Oh, where was I? The Reading Festival highlights were on tv over the weekend. There was to be no Glastonbury 2006, hence the BBC's Reading coverage. Fortunately, there were less opportunities here to show continuity bits with people dressed as rubber tractors, or naked pregnant women dancing as some pillock plays the bongoes.

Instead there was a report in which *heavy metal fans* complained about the number of nice, posh, trendy young girls walking about "texxing" people on their phones. "It's not about standing around trying to look cool and fashionable, it's about getting sweaty and jumping about to the music!" one *metal fan* complained. In turn, if these *metal fans* had been observed by some old school, Castle Donington style metallers - the sort of blokes who would throw bottles of piss at the stage - they would have been criticised themselves. "Worra load of fookin' posers" yer old school metaller would say, "any man uz uses hair gel and deodorant isn't a man in moy opinion. Look at that one with the pink spoiky hair and the oye make up on - 'e's gorra be tekkin' the piss, roit?"

Anyway, some of the bands ...

THE FALL. Most fortysomethings who hang around with people who like music will know at least one unassuming, anonymous looking bloke (married, two kids-ahh) who has given up buying CD's or listening to new music but still makes a pilgrimage to see the Fall every now and then. Yep, they're all here. The bobbing heads and girlfriends sitting on their boyfriends' shoulders are all absent from the Fall's audience. Everyone is completely stationary, and more often than not completely bald.

Geoff sez "Fifty year old man in jeans-ahh, looks like Grandpa Walton-ahh" in honour of MES. Look, Mark's mail order bride who is half his age is still playing keyboards! Hasn't she had quite a good innings by his usual standards?

The sound is pretty beefy and rocky. In other words, disappointing, but still a lot better than most other stuff shown over the weekend.

GOGOL BORDELLO. Awful. A depressing reminder of the mid-1980's. Probably would've been sixth on the bill behind Billy Bragg, The Communards, The Frank Chickens, Porky The Poet and Annie Whitehead at a Save The Lewisham Guatemalan Poetry Workshop benefit concert. No wonder Phil Bloodybastard Jupitus likes them.

BROKEN SOCIAL SCENE. One of those Canadian collectives featuring about thirty dishevelled people on stage playing the violin or the bassoon or shrieking. I just don't get this, or Arcade Fire. What is it with me? What is it with them?

THE STREETS. Like I say, you have to stick up for your own sort. Mike Skinner is a former Brummie Cockney and so, apparently, am I, so he's alright in my opinion. Besides, he has got wonky teeth and is quite cute on the dirty old woman Betty-ometer. The husband can't stand him. That Dry Your Eyes Mate thing is pretty mawkish though, eh? Except for the dog in the video. Fucking excellent actor. Go over to YouTube and find the video for Dry Your Eyes Mate! The dog should get a BAFTA award.

... oh, an the young people of today at the festival all seem so nice and polite. At one point some of them had a pillow fight. Isn't that all a bit Malory Towers?

"I say!! Alicia has managed to persuade Joanna the cook to make us some delicious potted meat sandwiches and one of her marvellous cakes!!! We'll be able to have a midnight feast, Mary Lou! It's going to be absolutely spiffing! Gosh, I can't wait!!!"

You are absolutely spot-on re. The Fall, if I might be so bold.

Re. "No wonder Phil Jupitus likes them".... ummmm you do know that Phil Jupitus used to be Porky The Poet, right?

Re. Broken Social Scene: I feel it's my duty to force myself to LOVE them, but I just can't be arsed. They're like an overdue homework assignment, with all the attendant guilt.
The Fall were fantastic. Mainly because all the teenagers had fucked off out of the tent leaving lots of forty-year-old men who would probably like to go out with me if I had the nerve to strike up a conversation with any of them.

Reading is full of bastard teenagers. They all get dropped off in huge 4x4s and beamers on Wednesday evening by mummie and daddie who think that it'll be OK for them to come on site and help little Petronella and her shrieking chums set up camp.

It's a terrible festival.
Pillow fights????


Hmm, maybe I should have gone.
Thanks Mike. I knew about Jupitus/Porky The Poet. I remember him compering some benefit show I saw on a visit London in the '80's and he did a pretty accurate impression of Billy Bragg doing that Beatles' charity song on Top Of The Pops. All grate mates though, that lot.

As for Broken Social Scene, they are one of too many bands who are like an overdue homework assignment.

Spinsterella - there you have it, a comment from someone who was actually there. I have to say that a lot of the people present seemed to be terribly freshfaced, young and well mannered. The Fall audience seemed refreshingly surly looking compared to that lot. I dunno how many of those blokes are single - I think a lot of them end up going to see bands by themselves because no one else they know is still interested in music. Still, you'll never know if you don't ask.

(Like I can talk. I would never chat a bloke up. And blokes who go to see bands never chat women up either. What a carry on).

Billy - pillow fights??? I thought all you psychobillies were into stabbing people and getting into fights?
I've never been to Reading due to people telling me it's crap. One day I'll make my own mind up wether to go or not...so long as there is a decent line up on the day / weekend.

How does MES do it?
Brix was a bit of allright in her day (probably still is) and now that cute keyboards player?

Oi, Smiff! What gives?
Forgot to mention it earlier, but I did speak yesterday to a Real Life Actual Young Person (post A-levels, pre Uni, veh veh posh) who had just come back from the Leeds version of the Reading festival. He said that Maximo Park were great, Arctic Monkeys were OK but had no stage presence, then reeled off the names of loads of bands so obscure that even *I* hadn't heard of them. (And I do make it my life's mission to Keep Up.) Which is as it should be, of course.

(Then he went and spoilt it all by saying he enjoyed... Feeder. I ask you! Young people!)
I always stay in a travelodge for Reading, but as it's three kids-ahhh now, I didn't even get the chance to do that.... (sniff)
I'm almost starting to find Mark-E-Smith-ah strangely attractive.

(He's a complete arse and he's not fat.)
Oh. I really don't know where I fit in any more. Reading used to be the one to go to because it was the National Jazz and Blues fest and all the good bands were on. But they're all dead and even the ones that took over from them are semi retired. Weep.
Istvanski - yeah, he has always got some woman in the band on the go. There seem to be some good looking woman who are drawn to, shall we say, "unconventionally attractive" men. I mean, Maria off Coronation Street has never quite got *over* leaving Tyrone! (Hang on ... that can't be right ...)

Mike - Feeder! Is this what I fought the punk rock wars and had to listen to 999 and Slaughter And The Dogs for?

I wonder if the singer out of Maximo Park knows that he is part of an A Girl With A One Track Mind trouser ripping fantasy? Hmm, he could well be in there ...

Doppelganger - didn't see you as the kind of person who would go to Reading actually. Oh, and while you're here - know of any fit single men around Bristol? Not that I'm trying to matchmake for Spinsterella or anything ... I think she likes them with a twisted, evil side. But not fat.

Spinsterella - well, I'm sure you'd get fed up of his "little quirks" after a bit. Anyway, see reply to Doppelganger, above.

Richard - blimey, I'm sure it hasn't been the Reading National Jazz And Blues Festival since about 1955! Are you sure that you arem't reincarnated and remember it from a previous life?
I bet I would like Feeder - it is very untrendy to like them isn't it. How do bands become untrendy like that. You know, I was saying earlier, what do the people who know about these things rubbish T Rex, and Dire Sraits and my favourite band at a party, the one and only Status Quo. I always presume it's because of some suble use of chords or something I can't pick up on or understand due to lack of something or other.
That would be it, Tom. Sort of. I only know Feeder from the soundtrack to Grand Tourismo 1 on the Playstation. I haven't played that for years. Ash were on there too. Always be suspicious of bands whose names end in "-er"

They were GREAT at Reading.

(Well, better than Maximo Park, anyway).
Tom - Feeder are just dreary, honestly. I'm not saying that just to appear trendy. Anyway, T-Rex are GREAT. I could even dance to the Quo, after a few pints. Of surgical spirit.

Richard - it's true, you should always be suspicious of bands ending in -er. Foreigner? Er ... several others? Geoff is right about Slayer though. Very impressed with the singer's hair. I wonder if I could get mine to go like that if I keep growing it (in several years)? Dunno about the beard though.
Back Street Crawler. They were the death of Paul Kossof.

(actually the -er thing came from a Sounds article following Kossof's death a long long time ago)
"Doppelganger - didn't see you as the kind of person who would go to Reading actually."

Is that good or bad - I dunno? Obnviously I never camp or any of that nonsense.I got on the guest list for V and Reading this year, but then my wife messed it up by having a baby - I've a suspicion I look a complete tosser now, but there you go....

"Oh, and while you're here - know of any fit single men around Bristol?"

My son's mates are all pretty sporty and attempt 'cool' in an overly self conscious fashion, but then they are six.....
Wasn't having a go at you (I suspect that I'm inadvertently seemingly insulting a few people on the web at the moment. As I do in real life). Anyway, as Reading was apparently full of awful posh teenage kids who like Feeder, it doesn't sound as though you were missing much.

As for Spinsterella, looks like she will have to search elsewhere then. Mind you, perhaps she is thinking of moving to Twickenham. Can't think why ...
No offence taken - I shall maintain ego integrity......

Anyhow, I don't want to be on a corner of the blogosphere where we all worry too much about being polite - we shall lose our dark, dangerous edgy quality... (cough...)

I think the only way to go to any festival these days is to do it in a postmodern ironic fashion, as, lets face it, you're just offering yourself up to be fleeced by beer and marketing companies.....

I know guys who are still wearing the manky security tags from festivals long gone.... now they ARE tossers...
Istvanski - yeah, he has always got some woman in the band on the go. There seem to be some good looking woman who are drawn to, shall we say, "unconventionally attractive" men. I mean, Maria off Coronation Street has never quite got *over* leaving Tyrone! (Hang on ... that can't be right ...)
etty. . .

A bit of a jealousy I see, bitchy comment or sour grapes (past regrets) whats the deal sweetheart. . .x x

P.S Too much soap watching. . .Maria and tyrone in Coronation street is not realllll.
Dear, dear Anonymous (...and it always is "Anonymous" isn't it?) I KNOW Maria and Tyrone are not "real" - which is why I wrote (hang on! That can't be right!) after the statement. DUHHHHH!

As for the rest of your comment, I refer you to the internet saying Do Not Feed The Trolls.
Dear, dear Bettttty. . .

Boo hoohey you have hurt me so. . like a sword through the heart

Let me introduce myself to you. . Yes. . as you quoted (...and it always is "Anonymous" isn't it?)."Anonymous" By name and nature thats me. .

As also quoted by you. . ."As for the rest of your comment, I refer you to the internet saying Do Not Feed The Trolls".

Please enlighten me? ?

I only asked you why the comment on. . as you quoted. . ."Istvanski - yeah, he has always got some woman in the band on the go. There seem to be some good looking woman who are drawn to, shall we say, "unconventionally attractive"men.

Yes I was joking also about Maria and Tyrone. . .Coronation street watcher lol lol lo. . .

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