Sunday, July 02, 2006
I know that some of you will possibly still be feeling a bit deflated after England's deflated performance in the *soccer* yesterday, but I hope you can summon up the strength to forget it all and join me today in a virtual toast because it is my birthday, I love you all more than life itself and I have been on this planet for ninety seven years as woman, man, boy and girl. There may not be much time left, what with one thing or another.
The drinks are on me. Not that this would happen in real life of course: I'm so stingy that people know me as Led Wallet.
(The magpies very thoughtfully cleared the gutter out over our back door early this morning and have left a pile of moss on the pea shingle to tread back into the house)
But anyway, just for you, a Thai rendition of your special song.
'Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Happy birthday to you.'
Richard - Geoff patiently fed me Complan off a spoon for an hour, as per usual.
Actually, I was awoken by the call of a bird that sounded like a creaking fence. In fact I thought it was our fence that was creaking and had fallen over during the night.
Tim - my favourite version is the one that was on Are You Being Served:
Happy birthday to YOU,
Happy birthday to YOU,
Happy birthday to YOU,
Happy birthday dear uh uh,
Happy birthday to YOU.
(no one will understand what I'm on about).
Interpreter - I think I might be able to play that on the recorder or the stylophone, if either of them was to hand.
I've managed to cope with the squint over the years, and the carefully adapted computer screen helps with the blogging.
Del - noo, this is meant to be a celebration, not a mourning! My birthday is obviously much more important than some football tournament! I expect people to throw flowers in my path and bow to me when I go down to the shops at the very least.
Tom - exactly. Only three more years until I get that telegram from the Queen, if one of us doesn't kick the bucket in the meantime.
Are you as stingy as me? Do you keep a fork in the sugar bowl? If so, I salute you!
I'm sending maxi-strength blog-hugs and sachets of strawberry complan I stole from my grandmother's care home.
Or to quote William Burroughs: 'I stole the morphine suppository from my grandmother's...' you can guess the rest...
I wonder what amazing things you will be doing in the sunshine. I've bought a bottle of Malibu (how retro) and have put strawberries in it just for jolly. I'm going to raise a toast to you with my new 'Malibstrawbetty' cocktail. Sending you one nowxx
I've already started drinking in honour of your birthday. It's only just past 8 in the morning here.
Molly - Haven't celebrated my birthday in the style of William Burroughs (I've got to 97 by leading a life of quiet sobriety.)
I went out in the sun earlier and it was a bit too hot, so I came back indoors to listen to The Scream by Siouxsie And The Banshees like I did when I was a petulant fifteen year old. How ridiculous.
Tickersoid - well, it's the thought that counts, after all. Mind, any cash donations can be made at my e-mail address ...
MJ - thank God someone remembered the Are You Being Served episode. Most bloggers aren't that lowbrow (or won't admit to it anyway).
I also share my birthday with a disturbing number of not-very-good British MP's. I found out about Larry David last year and was fairly pleased about that.
(You're not supposed to buy the drinks on your own birthday anyhow.)
*Raises a glass of cheap but not-too-nasty red*
Forget the virtual toast I'm off to hit the real gin (it's the famous 'Giro' gin of Spain. I'll pay for it myself.
Hope I didn't give the impression that I would be doing this even if it wasn't your birthday.
fforurrr - the sound of the cute puppy being strangled by PC Walker
Kaz - I can't handle gin, it makes me get slightly psychotic, even though I described myself as gin-soaked in my blog profile. It was a lie.
MJ - I'm sort of monobrow.
Richard - I used to see the first five minutes of Heartbeat, but haven't for a long time. Some good soundtrack work goes on there. Best bit was Purple Haze by Jimi Hendrix playing while an old woman fell off a rickety bicycle. Class, that was. Has it suddenly gone all Wickerman in Aidensfield?
Happy Birthday - I'll be sending over a case of Chateau Rothschild (the year is a surprise). ;-)
TC - thanks, but there's really no need for the Chateau Rothschild. I wouldn't be able to appreciate it anyway being as common as muck, and I'd be just as happy with a crate of Mackesons stout.
MJ - I'm still recovering from finding out that there is no such thing as Lucozade in Canada.
"Jerry hall has been forced to abandon her lavish 50th birthday celebrations after slipping on a dance floor in a bizarre accident, The Mail on Sunday can reveal.
The 6ft Texan is on crutches after injuring herself on Thursday at a private party. Witnesses say Miss Hall, who was wearing kitten heels, 'collapsed in a heap' while dancing."
Being a cancerian myself, and despite holding the above view myself, I often get surprised by feelings of some kind of common understanding with fellow crabs. I am presuming this is bollocks and I am subconciously inventing stuff to suit the situation.
First Nations - despite being ninety seven I don't smell of wee, I smell of Shalimar perfume. Incontinence is not a problem: a lifetime of Kegel's exercises has left me with the pelvic floor of a teenager, quite frankly ...
MJ - re. the Jerry Hall thing, I like the way the reporter stressed that she was wearing kitten heels. In other words, she didn't even have the excuse of falling over in high heels, she was completely mullered.
Tom - yes, I am cynical about atrology but am forced to admit that I often find stuff in common with people who are Cancerians, despite what logic would suggest. I wonder if the same is true of people born under different star signs? Uncanny and unnatural ...
Patroclus - thanks. The eyesight failed a long time ago and the print on the screen is set at ENORMOUS.
Maybe there IS something in this name thing. Scowling, cold hearted, miserly old woman? Sounds like me? No, it's the Queen - another Betty.
You didn't leave a comment because you're touting for popularity on the basis that you've returned from your holiday by any chance?
never mind - Happy Next Birthday