Saturday, July 01, 2006


Those of you who are not interested in the football or relaxing in the sun or other stuff might want instead to attend this weekend's annual Danson Park Festival. I've never been there, but this year promises to be even more exciting than the 2004 festival, when that Welsh girl who used to be in Steps headed the bill, miming to some songs for fifteen minutes until the crowds went giddy.

The local newspaper, the Bexley Times, encourages us this year to "Go Insania With All The Stars".

"All The Stars" are ...

Emptyheaded drippy f*ckwit Peter Andre, whose song Insania crashed into the charts at number 32 a couple of years ago, and was previously a top five rave hit in 1991 when it was known as Insania (I'm Rushing) and was performed by DJ Bowel Irrigation featuring Tracey.

Oh, and Rowetta, former Happy Mondays singer, X-Factor finalist and owner of the electric kettle empire.

I can't confirm whether or not Bez will turn up trying to flog his "Nice One! All The Top Dadchester Tunes! IN THEE 'OUSE!!! Northside IN THEE 'OUSE!! The Mock Turtles IN THEE 'OUSE!!" album. It might be worth turning up just to see all the expensive cosmetic dental work he's had done since winning Big Brother ...

So many stars it's scary.

Errrrm....might consider it...errrm...I'm not sure if I can afford the bus-fare to Bexley. Wonder if my Oyster card will get me out there for this extravaganza!! They've really pulled out the stops so I ought to make the effort. Coo!
Just goes to show that if you book quality "turns", you get a quality crowd...
It's just as shite as it ever was then. It's a great park with a natural amphitheatre yet they go and get tenth rate acts every year. I went once to the balloon thingy but never saw anything because it absolutely heaved it down. Highlight for me was driving back home in me undertrollies and nothing else. They've never had a star there yet. We had Bad Manners in the park opposite us a couple of years back (with Dougie Trendle/Buster) and they were proper bo. No miming. We get that bloke off of Stars in their Eyes who did Freddy Mercury and he's a quality act, honest!

I bet The Fleesh would jump at the chance to go sarf.
Molly - I think that anyone attending should ask to be paid for their efforts, not the other way round.

Rhino - for some reason, it seems to be on every year, rubbish turns and all, so presumably the crowds are turning up. There's no accounting for taste.

Richard - I won't enquire about why you ended up going back home in your undies.

There has been a circus tent in the school field round the corner from us for a few days, for no apparent reason. I saw a unicyclist cycling down the road yesterday, which was a it disturbing. We don't need the Danson Festival down our road, mind.

(Football update) - the BBC has just played Joy Division's Atmosphere over some footage of England's campaign so far. Good to see they're trying to put us in an upbeat mood, eh?
I remember going to the Bristol Balloon fiesta once and they had live music there. The only one I can remember was Kavanagh (not sure of the spelling). Wasn't he Gary Barlow's valet* or something.

*I so wanted to type 'slut slave' there.
I recently received a flyer commending to me a 'festival' that featured a Queen tribute, a Bee Gees tribute, a Pink Floyd tribute and a something-else tribute. Oh, and some fireworks. Hardly Monterey Pop, is it?

Happy Birthday!
Even with that line up it sounds better than the Danson Park Festival, especially if the Bee Gees tribute act had the teeth and disgusting body hair.
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