Friday, July 28, 2006


I can now say that, for reasons I won't go into here, the last week has been completely horrible :D

Even better, I can predict that the next week is going to be even worse :D

Never mind, we are orff to Nottingham tomorrow to meet up with some friends, which means getting stuck in traffic jams in the arid heat for half of Saturday and Sunday :D

I should be grateful for small mercies: at least I don't have to attend a fucking wedding this summer :D

* * * * * * *

UPDATE: Ah, there was one ray of light in a dark, dark week. A hard youth leaned out of a car window as I was walking along the street and shouted out "GOOD TITS!"

Obviously I am violently opposed to the objectifying of women.

However, I'm very old now and the few compliments I receive, however coarse they may be, are gratefully accepted.

I hope you are alright and not having a horrible day today. Some weeks are just like that. Well...Nottingham is alright. Just don't ever get on one of their night buses...they are really frightening.

Sending nice thoughts your way and hoping you are ok Bettyxxx
You could be going to Alton Towers at 9am tomorrow morning like S is. I'm staying here to work and she can hardly walk and it's going to be murder for her. I'm already feeling guilty for not going. I hope your weekend goes better and that next week isn't as dread as you imagine.
"at least I don't have to attend a fucking wedding this summer"

Me either!

Thank fuck.

If you think weddings are bad already just imagine if you had to face them without Geoff. All alone with people pointing at you and whispering "still single"...
Nottingham? Is this wise Betty? Aren't people fleeing Nottingham for a couple of weeks in sunny Beirut in order to escape the misery and carnage? Always sounded such a nice place too. Well, if you like green clad highwaymen and dastardly sherrifs and the like. Which I don't, actually. In fact, it's never really appealed, apart from the Brian Clough era - "you want shooting for missing that, Baz..." etc.

Can't you go to Alton Towers with Richard instead? I'm scared I'll lose half my readership if you and Geoff get involved in a hold up or something - and obviously it would be pretty bad for you guys too...

Take care of yourselves, won't you??

[Walks off muttering: Nottingham?? Nottingham??? Nottingham?????]

Seriously - have a good one Bett and best regards to the old ball and chain. Oh, and Geoff...
Molly - thanks! I will be getting a night bus, by the way. Kerrching. I've had experiences of some awful night buses crawling with nutters, one occasion where an old man was more or less strangled by a young bloke for no apparent reason, teenage couples virtually having it away in the back seat, a bloke who tried to chat me up, then when I ignored him had some sort of fit of rage, running up and down the bus, the smell of burgers etc., etc. I'm probably too used to a comfortable life these days so it'll be a good challenge, hem hem.

Thanks Richard: all the best to Sharon. Alton Towers wouldn't be my number one destination. Do all the roads around there still get clogged up with traffic? Hopefully the weather will have cooled down a bit tomorrow (that's what's being predicted, anyway).

Spinsterella - well, weddings are for people who Love Weddings, which is usually smug couples and those women who like to bitch about the bride's frock. We usually get asked yet again why we didn't have a "proper" wedding with the trimmings, a horse and carriage, enormous buffet, free booze, photo session that takes three days etc., etc. So we're seen as freaks. Bah. Whether you're single or spoken for, they're a good place to sit back and observe the stupidity of people, and feel smug and superior. Oh, and get drunk, I forgot.

Robert - Nottingham is alright, as far as I can tell from the times I've visited there (although I remember a girl selling the Big Issue telling my friend to "fuck off then, you stuck up cow" because she declined to buy a copy. Great sales technique!) I've not been injured or threatened at knifepoint yet, but there's always a first time.

Maybe I'll get killed on the night bus.

We all have to go some time.
they are, too. i've spent a signifigant amount of time under the dryer here in the utility room and i've seen her bra. phooar!
Wahey! Check out those Betty Boobies!
So my hunch about the bazookas was correct eh Betts!
Hmm, funny how the comments have come flying in now, eh?

They don't look too bad when I have hoisted them up above waist level with some scaffolding first thing in the morning. This normally takes about two hours. I've also had five sets of implants, so that might help (72 HH cup).

Mind you, I might have misheard him. He could've said "bad tits".
I've never seen them but hey, you never hear Geoff complain.

Years ago a lass called Allison used to keep a horse at Mum and Dad's. She had long auburn hair and a quite shapely figure but wore Dierdre glasses. I remember her telling my Mum about the lads who'd just driven past her while out riding. They were wolf-whistling until they turned round and then shouted that they'd rather take the horse out.
Your correct response should have been "They're not good, they're GREAT!"

If you were able to do that thing where you can rotate them in opposite directions, with the tassles, that would have been even better.
For a while I lived in a bungalow in Beeston, Notts. So I associate the place with housecoats and fluffy slippers rather than a crime wave.
Perhaps the two collide on night buses.
What's that pub hewn out of the walls of the castle? The beer was good...
There's a woman in Seattle who teaches nipple tassle twirling. As that's a bit of a hike for you, I'll see if she has a DVD.
I'm sure they're very nice, Betty.

Just keep them off the night bus - they might go down too well!
Richard - poor girl. It's usually the ugliest males who are the ones who are first to make insulting comments, funnily enough ... rather like they do on the internet, I've always suspected.

Tim - I always carry some tassles around with me "just in case" but I wasn't quick enough off the mark this time.

Arabella - Beeston? Blimey, that's uncanny. I'm sure I've been in that pub, too, but I can't remember what it's called. Will have to ask this weekend.

MJ - is there only one person in the world who teaches nipple tassle twirling?

TC - yeah, I'll keep them taped down and wear a duffle coat, even though there's a heatwave on.
There's a workshop in London but it's for drag queens. I'm sure you can find something local. It's just that the Seattle teacher has a good reputation for tassle twirling. One of the best. So I'm told. Not that I would know personally, you understand.
My friend once had the great idea of shouting abuse at people from his car, literally shouting the word 'abuse'. Problem is you can't really hear what people are saying from a car window, are you sure they weren't saying 'great, it fits' or something like that?

Why they'd be saying that I have no idea.
If you see Kevin Costener ask him why he didn't even try to mimic an 'ENGLISH' accent? and for gawd sake don't steal any of the Sheriffs bloody deer from the forest.

How dare those cheeky lads comment on your 'chin nuts'! What is the world coming to?

Come to think of it I haven't even been flashed this summer.
Last year when I picked up my daughter and her pals at closing time five young ladies, all in similar states of intoxication, hoisted their tops in what can only be interpreted as an expression of defiance to the 'man'. But I only count that as 1 instance.

Oh well its still only July.
My mate Tutty is in Nottingham tonight meeting old friends. And he's renowned for being a Tit Man. Coincidence?

Congratulations of having a Non-Nuptial year. I've got to go to my assistant's next weekend, on my own, knowing she's going to be on honeymoon for a full month, and she'll expect a present!

I've got 3 to go to next year but 2 are abroad so I'm prepared to make the effort.
Arabella, the pub you were referring to is called Ye Olde Trip To Jerusalem. Why can't they just call pubs the Coach And Horses?

MJ - you never know, there might be a course at the local church workshop.

Billy - well, he was quite loud but I've already considered that he might have been saying "you are a complete dog", or something along those lines, and my hearing is failing ...

Then again, he could have been changing into a skintight leotard and saying "great, it fits!"

Homo Escapeons - Kevin Costner in that film ... how depressing.

Couldn't you have sued those women for intimidation? There's compensation for everything these days.

Cherrypie - was your mate the bloke who was harrassing the doorman at a pub last night, swearing and shouting his head off for half an hour because they wouldn't let him in?

The thing with the wedding you have
to go to next weekend sounds like a drag. A month's honeymoon, eh? Alright for some, isn't it.
Oh, by the way, the pub has even got its own site - http://www.triptojerusalem.com/
I'm intrigued, are they nice tits?
I dunno Anon - are yours?!
Well it's good to come back and find everything in full swing.
Interpreter - oh yes. In every possible sense of the word.
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