Friday, May 26, 2006


Well folks, the show is over. The time has come for me to sign off from this blog for the very last time.

When I first started blogging, the penny farthing was still a common sight on the roads, along with horse dung and begging four year olds. Marie Lloyd was big in the music halls. When Father Papered The Parlour and Pop Goes The Weasel were at the top of the download charts and we all had rickets or hooping cough. Vicus Scurra was the stern headmaster of a ragged school. We were all dirt poor, but happy.

The Lumiere Brothers made some camp looking films where they were dancing with each other and that one of a train drawing up to a station. What would they have made of CGI?

Computers were big and unwieldly. Indeed, I used to type my blog entries wired up to a twenty acre "mainframe" computer powered by a number of burly men on bicycles wearing stripey bathing costumes. They looked like Paul Rutherford of Frankie Goes To Hollywood and Lord Lucan.

Although I look back on those days with great fondness, and JUST LOVE everyone who has commented here and stood by me for all those years - I've come to see one or two of you as replacements for the friends I never had!! - the time has come for us to part (as Badfinger once sang).

You see, the "real world" seems so much more appealing. I have my gorgeous husband Melvin and my four darling children Serenity, Evergreen, Hope and Jean Claude as well as our lovely Wiltshire cottage and the smallholding to take up my time! Besides, I have a newfound love of knitting, macrame, needlepoint and a number of other female crafts that have been undervalued in the male-centred world!!!

Anyway, blogging is rather unfashionable these days, what?


* * * * * * *

Actually I'm only doing this because I want to f*ck off to do a bit of spring cleaning for a couple of weeks, to come back to hundreds of tearful comments from people whose blogs I don't even read and they haven't read this blog before either. Giving up your blog is just THE thing to do at the minute.

Sob. Whimper. Snuffle. Weep, weep. Big heaving sigh. Blubber blubber. Sob sob SOB. The sound of a comforting cigarette being lit for the first time in six years. Blubber sob weeeeeeeeep huh huh huh you sob don' sob luvus sob ennymore whimper. Grieve grieve sorrow ululate. Toll the knell of passing blog. Sob.

I'm off to compose a VERY slow blues. In E MINOR. Now see what you've done...
I was limbering up for a tearful post (although I was puzzled by the names of the children) and then I read the small paragraph at the bottom. The tearful post will have to wait for another day...
Hope the hiatus is a brief one.
sob sob.

I do hope this is only temporary. Didn't you know that next seasons fashion is going to be returning to blogs you abandoned.

hope to see you back here soon.
Have fun spring cleaning, (is that even possible?) but if I was you I would sit down with a cup of tea and a nice bit of cake at the mo as the weather is so foul.
I remembered I had a some friends - so we went out for a drink last night.
It wasn't as good as your blog. And I have a hangover.
SEEYA soon.
Mark - I can hear that blues coming down wind from Hertfordshire and am trying to drown it out with 350 Greatest Electro Hits Of The '80's but it's not working.

Billy - I might not give up blogging ... but who knows???

Lost Boy - the hiatus might be shorter than I thought ... but who knows?

MB - oh, I might get a guest blogger in to cover during my absence. I mean, nobody else has thought of that yet, have they?

Jane - I've changed my mind about the spring cleaning. What's the point of it, eh? I'm FED UP of the weather.

Kaz - I'm sure your friends are better than this blog. Nobody could be that dull.

I feel hungover and I haven't even been drinking.
Fuck you Betty, you had me there. I am deeply in love with you and you mustn't do that to me OK!
The Blind Flaneur should be available for guest blogging as Wyndham's back soon. Come back soon!!!
You should see the state of my kitchen cupboards.
If you run out of things to clean...
I've not been this upset since the BBC cancelled Eldorado...
Tom - oh, if I do decide to go I'll just ... disappear. You've only been in love with me since I said that I claimed to have enormous, positively cartoonish breasts anyway.

MJ - it may be too short a break to require a guest blogger anyway.

Arabella - you should see the state of my cupboards. I might send you round to clean them because I couldn't be bothered.

Mr Veryvery - I'm touched by your concern. I'm starting to well up meself.
dammit woman, not you too.
just fine.
fine, fine, fine.

.....no its NOT fine.
come back soon.
i demand it.
I DEMAND IT!!!!!!!!!!
Betty - I am about to launch into a 400-minute guitar solo, complete with grimaces and excruciating feedback. If you don't come back soon I will burn it to a CD and webcast it in your direction. So there.

I'm doubly upset now I've been reminded about your cartoon breasts. I may be forced to watch Big Brother in your absence. Feeling guilty yet?
Betty, I have to admit that I did take your enormous breasts as a bit of a plus. The thing is I was bought up on Honor Blackman in her leather suit, and Ursula Andress walking out of the sea in her bikini - I fear there's just no way back from that.
Funny you say that (it's the thing to do right now), because I've missed maybe two weeks of blogging and as I go through catching up on everyone's blog I have already come across FOUR farewell posts! Something in the air.
First Nations - oh, I'll probably be back tomorrow.

Mark - no, don't watch Big Brother. Anything but that.

Tom - aye, but am I really Big Old Betty With The Comedy Breasts, or Flat Chested Doreen Marie?

Chosha - I bet most of those people will make a comeback at some point. Not that I'm a sceptic or anything.
Bettster - I'll take you either way (and I don't mean etc etc). As my mother used to tell me, it's not what's on the outside that counts - I wouldn't want to disappoint her at this late stage.
Sob. Whimper. Snuffle. Weep, weep. Big heaving sigh. Blubber blubber. Sob sob SOB. The sound of a comforting cigarette being lit for the first time in six years. Blubber sob weeeeeeeeep huh huh huh you sob don' sob luvus sob ennymore whimper. Grieve grieve sorrow ululate. Toll the knell of passing blog. Sob.

Look how lame I am! I stole MarkGamon's wailing and gnashing of teeth, right out of his comment. :-)

so f*ck off and have a good time cleaning up. We'll be here.
Enjoy your Domestos bender and don't forget the dead flies in the lampshades
If you're lacking things to clean, feel free to pop in over here. I've lots of dusting that needs doing. I can't get Vicus Scurra to pick up a dust rag.
Tom - I'm sorry you're "in season". I thought all this cold weather we're having would have delayed the inevitable, but the sap has risen, as it were, and you need to get the annual injection.

Kyahgirl - I'm disappointed by the lack of wailing and gnashing of teeth, so thanks for the effort.

Richard - it's those fat, horrible moths that get into light fittings that I hate. They crumple up into powder.

Pamela - welcome. Why is it that everyone is trying to get me to do their dusting rather than offering their cleaning services to me?
If you've got four kids get them to spring clean. It'll be an education. Don't they know you've got a fanbase? Such is the price of celebrity, Betty, you shouldn't be so entertaining.

That's my third give up in 6 weeks - fourth if Tom buggers off as well - it is the Kurse of Krusty.
You do a blog now? Heheh. Come back soon.
If you pay my airfare I'll scrub every room in your house. But only if Geoff lets me watch Curb Your Enthusiasm with him.
Krusty - the four children were an example of artistic licence.

I don't know where this fanbase is. I've just looked myself up on Google. I keep thinking there is an Anti-Betty forum out there and someone intends to kill me though.

Del - I'm sure the two weeks will just fly by.

MJ - The best bit is when he falls asleep for about half an hour, then you go to turn the telly off and he says "what? What? I was watching that" and then falls asleep again.

That's a scene from our house rather than a scene from Curb Your Enthusiasm by the way.
My husband does the same thing.
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