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Sunday, March 12, 2006

STUFF ON THE TELLY 

Have been told that yesterday's post was really arselicky. Phew! Better press ahead with another one so that no one else bothers to read the last one.

TORY! TORY! TORY! - BBC4


Series exploring the rise of free market enterprise and Thatcherism. The first part looked at the instigators of free market theory and credited it to some bloke who also introduced battery farming to Britain. Having served during WW2 he was terrified of Britain being under Russia's boot. After all, the introduction of the NHS was surely a sign that there was too much SOCIALISM in Britain, and before you know it there would be gulags and torture and mind control. The bloke "believed" in freedom for human beings but liked the idea of chickens being stuck in confined spaces in the dark, unable to move in anything but their own crap for the rest of their natural born. Sounds like a balanced sort of chap.

Recognition was given to a few of the politicians who believed in free market ideas, who were generally obnoxious nutters like Keith Joseph and Enoch Powell. As the programme drew to a close, Margaret Thatcher had been chosen as the Conservative leader.

We'd recorded the programme and obviously there was plenty of scope for clicking the pause button and having a good old rant. Unfortunately, we are still 70's style lefties, however much we try to cope with the modern world which has been shaped by the idea that the individual is "responsible" for themselves, must amass more and more money and shouldn't pay taxes or give a fuck about anyone else.

In a strange way, I felt a curious nostalgia for old fashioned politicians. Okay, the 1980's government was full of bullies and self made men who hated anyone who wasn't a workaholic, money obsessed lunatic, but at least you could hate them in a straightforward way. Modern policitians seem to have been assembled at a factory and programmed with huge dictionaries full of business speak soundbites. If you ever see Hazel Blears or Ruth Kelly interviewed on tv you wonder if someone is pulling the cord in their back and expect that at some point it will all go horribly wrong and one of them will say "mummy, I need feeding" or "my nappy needs changing".

CRUFTS 2006


I only turned over to this because I had the sound off and Casualty was on in the background. However, on Casualty there was a woman with a horrifically mauled leg which was vile to see. Wholesome families who see prime time programmes like this obviously must hanker after seeing loads of BLOOD, provided there is no swearing. Anyway, I turned over to BBC2 and the finalists in the toy section were strutting their stuff. Is there any point in the existence of really small dogs? Fair enough, they are easier to look after than a St. Bernard, but they're not really dogs at all, are they? Never trust any dog that gets to wear hair clips or scrunchies as if they are a toddler, or, more to the point, don't trust their owners.

The programme was presented by Ben Fogle (the posh bloke who looks like an older Prince William) and a black labrador. The choice of the labrador as co-presenter was not a good idea as it fell asleep after a bit, but was probably better than, say, Tess Daly or Natasha Kaplinsky.

Anyway, the winner was, as the husband pointed out, a dog that looked like a furball that a cat had coughed up.

As a diplomatic exercise, I think Britain should negotiate with the Chinese government to stop the practice of killing their own dogs for meat. Instead, we should export Yorkshire terriers to China to be slaughtered in their place. Why has no one thought of this before?

Comments:
Can we please export Ben Fogle to China instead ...or better still Ruth Kelly.
I remember when politicians were interesting and provocative - Tony Ben, Barbara Castle
I suppose this exposes me as a sixties style lefty ..and thank god for that!
 
I'm up for sending Ruth Kelly to China. I just can't get past the barbed wire opus dei thingy around her thigh. Does she wear it in the debating chamber I wonder? What a turn on!
Those awful New Labour women politicians - what a ghastly bunch. What a turm off! In fact why don't we send them all to Australia - maybe there they could extract their heads out of Tony Blair's arse, and take the pokers out of their own arses, and just maybe loosen up a bit, you know, just try to be a little more real.
 
Kaz - I was going to mention Barbara Castle in my post as an example of a comparison to Blair's Babes, but that would have been going off at a tangent and I'm trying to curb my urge to rant. A pity that maverick characters seem to have disappeared from politics. I suppose people would rather vote for an "everyman".

Tom - Perhaps there ought to be a few more terrifying dragons in politics. Plus all the male politicians' wives have to pretend to be simpering 1950's wives even if they're ambitious career women, which is depressing.

... although I think basically what you're saying is that you wouldn't want to give Ruth Kelly or Hazel Bleers a good seeing to, aren't you?
 
Instead, we should export Yorkshire terriers to China to be slaughtered in their place. Why has no one thought of this before?

Because there is sod-all meat on a Yorkshire terrier.
 
I live in Crewe, seat of the nearest we've got left to Barbara Castle and possibly the only sitting MP with a road in her constituency already named after her, Gwyneth Dunwoody. And she's the dead spit of my late grandma.
 
John - I thought of that when I wrote it, but I just wanted a chance to say something gratuitously horrible about Yorkshire terriers.

Richard - Neither of my grandparents resembled politicians, although one of my aunties looks exactly like the ugly one (the guitarist?) from the Sweet.
 
Small dogs....brrrrrrr. That's why I like Pinks song "Stupid Girls"...
 
Bettster, I hadn't thought about it before but the reason those women are so unattractive is that they are actually men in women's bodies. They have to be like that to succeed in what is the 'dog eat dog' world of politics. I now feel very sorry for them and also very sorry that I have for so long harboured feelings of vile loathing towards them.
However I do still think that spending some time in Australia may be a helpful experience for them, so on balance I think they should go.
 
I'm convinced that Ruth Kelly is secretly a man. The gruff voice, the trouser suits.

It's obvious.
 
Caroline - anyone who puts a dog into a handbag/uses hair accessories obviously hasn't got over the Barbie doll stage.

Tom, Garfer - male, female, they don't seem to register as human. A bit spooky really.

(I mean Ruth Kelly and Hazel Blears, not Tom and Garfer).
 
>>Is there any point in the existence of really small dogs? Fair enough, they are easier to look after than a St. Bernard<<

I read this as "they are easier to look at than a St Bernard". I then spent five minutes wondering if this was because the St Bernard is too large to fit into the human field of vision. When I realised my foolish mistake, it made me laugh a lot. So thank you.
 
I once saw a St Bernard looking balefully out of the window of a car parked outside Threshers. It seemed really out of scale with everything around it. Perhaps, in the great expanses of the Bernese Oberland, this magnificent animal would fit in with its surroundings. Outside a shopping parade in Barnehurst it just looked STRANGE.
 
Good Gawd, serious culture gap here! I think this will make everyone laugh.
The only "tory" on television in my country is the nauseating Tori Spelling. She's been shamelessly advertising herself so much that it actually took me a minute to figure out what you were talking about!
ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!
How many of these vile blonde pop culture tarts are there anyway???
 
"Vile blonde pop culture tart" ... a pretty good description of Margaret Thatcher really.
 
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