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Friday, March 03, 2006

BLUNT EDGED SWORD 

blasted civil list COMMENT


Today's comment is provided by Charles Blunt (pictured), Seventeenth Duke Of Tidworth and father of singer/songwriter/war hero James.

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Good day.

Problem with the grounds maintenance, what? Never mind - other business at hand. Have just been informed that heir apparent is making heaps of moolah out of the "swing" music nonsense. What a turn up! Rather leaves one with egg on face actually - family reputation and what have you. One feels rather in the same predicament as Duke Of Edinburgh. Pip has often confided in me about his embarrassment at youngest son's choice of career, hanging around with bally music hall types or what have you. Perhaps it is just a stage they go through. After all, Pip and Betty took to the old hand jiving nonsense at the Locarno in their youth. Could never understand the appeal of it myself. What is wrong with Elgar or a bally good military band? Stirs the blood, what?

Will be corresponding with heir apparent over familial responsibilities, re. payment of Harrow fees and the like. Problem is, our sort of person is rather left in the lurch in the modern "socialist" world. We are rather adrift and, frankly, the below stairs type is taking over. Why, we are even thinking of selling the bolthole in Monmouthshire. Granted, it is a bit of a heap these days due to neglect, and has only 48 bedrooms, but it has been in the family for generations!

Going cap in hand is not my usual approach, but we have been rather frozen out by heir apparent due to his choice of career. Heir apparent started out rather promisingly viz. army career, playing big part in annexing of valuable bits of Austro-Hungarian empire, but it has all gone to ground. Why, I was encouraged be some downstairs staff to watch a recent "television programme" in which he received some "swing music" award or another. Bally fool was wittering on about how many pretty fillies there were in the audience, AND he rather seemed to be mocking his army career. Worst of all he "sang" some blasted song about his wife being brilliant - had no idea he was fixed up! I was rather hoping to arrange a union with one of the Marquis of Bath's numerous daughters. Our kind has to stick together. I use the word "sang" in the loosest sense of the word - bleating like one of our lambing ewes would be nearer the mark.

The Duchess and I are at our wit's end. It looks as if we will be reduced to giving bally guided tours of the Hall to the great unwashed due to financial hole we are in.

Can only hope that heir apparent rushes to aid, and perhaps considers saving face with future career in diplomatic service. All seeming rather bleak at moment though.

Perhaps you would consider donating to the Save Blunt Hall Roof fund?

Comments:
i read a quote from cunty blunty the other day where he seemed proud to announce that the army was always a stop-gap until his music took off. i bet they're glad now that they sponsored his degree and put him through sandhurst, aren't they? cunt.
 
Surly Gell - I say, you seem rather on the mark about heir apparent. Why is it the younger generation doesn't see the value of a good prep school or the importance of succeeding in the the military field? Bally fools.

Mind you Surly, I can't say I'm too enthusiastic about your use of the kind of language one expects to hear from the Duke Of Edinburgh. The era of the lady seems to be drawing to a close I fear.
 
bollocks.
 
I now have hiccups from laughing. Something that hasn't happened since 1952.
 
Woman, I'm glad you find the problems of the Blunt family so amusing. The Duchess and I are at our wit's end.

It seems that the only response I'm getting here consists of foul abusive language from the gutter or mockery. All from the fairer sex as well! Blasted women should be seen and not heard.
 
No 1 in the States. It is gratifying that tasteless twats are not unique to this side of the atlantic.

He may be able to afford a Lear jet soon. I suggest we all have a whip round and buy some surface to air missiles.

That would be 'beautiful'.
 
Garfer - we could do with more of your sort in the military, although may I suggest that you organise a whip round for the Save Blunt Hall Roof fund instead? It would be very much appreciated old chap.

If heir apparent can afford a Lear jet, why hasn't he agreed to repay his Harrow fees? He is turning into something of a bounder.
 
Your Grace;
I'm terribly sorry to hear that you and the Duchess find yourselves in dire straits. Dire Straits! Now, there is a good name for a musical enterprise. Too bad your heir is too much of a addlepated twit to recognize good music.

Might I suggest you take lessons in cursing from Ms. Surly and lessons in bombing useless old piles from Mr. Garfer? Then you may apply yourself to getting out of your rut and on with your life as a 21st century relic.

The best outcome would be if you had managed to repair your little tiff with the heir and have him at the pile when it is bombed. I'm sure his demise would be a great favour to the world of music.

Best wishes for your future endeavours as a peon.

Mother Hen
 
Ah, I see you are one of the citizens of a former British colony. You seem to have a low opinion of our royal family, having booted them out some years ago, so your cynical air comes as no great surprise. Indeed, even over here there is a lack of appreciation of ancient families such as ours and what we have contributed to the glory of Britain. I shall ignore your provocations with the dignity that our sort possesses.

As for your description of heir apparent as an "addlepated twit", I couldn't possibly comment. What does addlepated mean? Didn't pay mcch attention to study of English language at school - tended to be a subject which attracted the effete type of fellow, what?
 
Mister Charlie BLUNT:
kindly never address me as 'woman' again. HOW DARE YOU?

It's Lady Withering Scornforth, ot Her Grace.

Pleb.
 
That would be "or". Bloody maids, useless at short-hand.

All idiots from from up north. Too ghastly.
 
My stammer has nothing to do with the recent tabloid revelations about my family. Nothing at all. And I will vigorously prosecute anyone, ANYONE who says otherwise.

If not then I'll just mow them down in the lanes. Jumped-up guttersnipes.
 
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
 
Woman, women are always called "woman" by me, even the Duchess. Why does the moden type of woman expect "respect" and has to have an opinion on everything? Better to leave the important stuff to the fellows, what? You are all far better at flower arranging, embroidery and sorting out the kitchen staff really.

I would never dream of employing staff from the north. To paraphrase the King In Waiting, it would be "political correctness gone mad".

It is no wonder the tabloid revelations about your family have given you cause for concern but really, love, you have only yourself to blame, with your "bohemian" behaviour. Nothing came of any good from Princess Margaret cavorting around with the Goons or the simian fool Mick Jagger, and I daresay your behaviour had an adverse effect on your husband and children
 
You really are the most frightful little man aren't you?
Where were your lot in the Doomsday Book, eh?

Wretched Jhonny-come-latelys. No wonder your son is out there doing that daft swing jive thing. You must be shrouded in embarrassment.

I must away, the hunt is up today and ruddy Smithonson has mislaid the cellar keys again not to mention that one still has the Church Easter Flower rota to organise.
 
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