Wednesday, March 01, 2006


As can be seen here, the husband seems to get all the best engine searches for his blog.

I can't seem to compete for all the filth. Apart from the several times a day searches for Claire Nasir, Clare Nazir and Clair Nassire there's the odd smattering of stuff along these lines:

Freddie Parrot Faced
Arctic Monkeys Girlfriends
Arctic Monkeys Love Jo Wiley (the two above were obviously from the same obsessive stalker who is worried that the fat bass player is carrying on with the posho Northampton dj. Oh to be young and in love).
Living with halitosis
Eamon Holmes left ITV because (... sorry I couldn't help you with this one pet)
Roland Orzabal terrible dancer
Betty old tits (my personal favourite: a look at the other searches listed proves that there are a number of men who fantasise about old women with thread veins and shrivelled bosoms wearing vests. Very heartening as I am facing the twilight years)
Andy McCluskey OMD terrible dancer
Why water from kettles has plastic taste
Sarah Beeny naked (all because MB left a comment here saying he got engine searches for Sarah Beeny naked).
Richard Jobson terrible dancer
Freddy Parrot Face Davis dead?

I obviously need to incorporate more filth into the blog without seeming to do so. Hang on, that seems too much like hard work ...

Betty Old Tits: Ooh, I'm so jealous of you both. I commented yesterday on someones else's site about this too. I have really, really boring ones on mine. Couldn't get a post out of it if you paid me.
Ooh, I got the best hit on my old blog from someone who used the keywords "How To Remove A Tick From Scrotum."

Ouch ;)
Caroline - some people get all the weird searches, and it's difficult to understand why. Still, we all live in hope, don't we?

Fuckkit - erk, you can imagine someone feverishly typing away, stuck out in the Australian outback, hundreds of miles away from a hospital, while some bloke is screaming his head off in the background. An episode of Flying Doctors in the making ...
Please, if you and the mister would continue posting these search terms from time to time. Most amusing.
MJ - it would take me several months to compile mine, but Geoff seems to get a couple of classics every day. Must say something about his damaged psyche.
Oooh, this made me laugh so much. I'm very disappointed with my search terms. "Foot in gold paint" is my favourite so far. It has a sort of understated poetic beauty.
I feel a bit left out.
How do you know???
Patroclus - I wonder if the person who wanted "foot in gold paint" found what they were looking for ...

Kaz - You have to get a statcounter or sitemeter (click on that multi coloured box a bit further down my blog. I'm still annoyed that it is not neatly under my links as it is on everyone else's blog). Mind you, I wouldn't advise it because you will start to become obsessed with how many visitors you have and will get jealous, paranoid and bitter.
Thanks Betty
Don't worry I'm all those things already.
Sorry, where are these naked pics of Sarah Beeny? (that's another hit!)

Great stuff. I got a hit from "Nude Italian Star" in the last 24 hours. Because of my post on the wonderful Italian shlock horror Nude For Satan, which is as good as it sounds.
Just looked at today's searches: Natasha Kaplinsky fakes (??), Robert Fearnley-Whittingstall (?) and er Sarah Beeny naked ...
Hi there, I was wondering if you would be able to show me how you find the keyword searched for people finding your blog as I'd love to know the keywords for mine ? I also came here searching for Robert FW - he is the father of celebrity Chef Hugh and I was just reading up on him!(I hope this helps)!
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