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Saturday, February 18, 2006

GABBA GABBA, ONE OF US 

A survey of other posts in the past few days suggests a number of disgruntled people who got through Valentine's Day with a scowl, whether they be single or spoken for. This is not surprising. It really is cack, basically. "Oh, I know for the other 364 days of the year I ignore you/sit there watching Sky Sports in my rank underpants/go out drinking with my mates/take it for granted that you wash my rank underpants/never listen to anything you say but expect you to listen to all my problems/grumble about having to do the washing up every once in a blue moon/grunt about once every fortnight by way of conversation etc etc etc BUT I'VE BOUGHT YOU A CARD AND WE'RE GOING OUT FOR AN ITALIAN MEAL SO IT EXPRESSES WOT I CAN'T PUT INTO WORDS THE REST OF THE TIME!!!"

Anyway, GMTV chose to mark the occasion by showing 50 couples renewing their wedding vows at Blenheim Palace, which was even worse. It's bad enough having to get married the first time round. I suppose I can understand someone wanting to renew their wedding vows if they are in the final stages of a terminal illness but as far as I know there were no brides attached to a drip carried into Blenheim Palace on stretchers, so there were no excuses really.

I was probably put off the idea of a white wedding from an early age. It's not just a case of my lacking the gurrlly gurrlly gene that leads to otherwise sane women wanting to wear something floaty and pastel and have aunties who you've not seen for years crying and telling them how beautiful they look (the lying cows).

No, from an early age I remember seeing the pictures of married couples in local papers, and it terrified me.

The married couples pictured in local papers always looked like extras from the film Freaks. Lanky 7 stone grooms were paired with 3 foot, 19 stone women. The prematurely bald, the apparently toothless, the completely chinless, the one eyed, the cross eyed, the carbuncled, all encased in morning suits and several yards of curtain netting. How can these people have such monstrous egos? Why would they would think everyone would admire them?

So renewing wedding vows when the glow of youth has disappeared is an unwise choice.

Oh, and who wants to know how happy and loved up someone is? Hearing it from a friend (especially if you're single) is awful. Personal relationships are exactly that: I don't want to hear the graphic details of your ongoing haemorrhoid problem, and I don't want to know if you're really happppeeee with your partner and you have met your soulmate and "there is someone out there for everyone, even YOU". Keep it to yourself you big drip.

Comments:
Aaah! That was so sweet.
 
Yeah
You said it all!
Once saw a pic in the Stockport Advertiser imaginatively titled 'A Reddish bride'
KAZ
 
Vicus - I speak as I find, me.

Kaz - it sounds as if she spent too long on the pre-wedding sunbed sessions.
 
how come you are posting in the future? it's only 9.57pm in lewisham borders and yet it says you posted this in six minutes' time

sorry, make that five (bit slow with the typing after a couple of cinzanos)
 
UC - I wish I did have the power to time travel into the past rather than the future. Well, maybe back to about 1984 when I didn't have cellulite and used to be wolf whistled on a regular basis (very shallow, I know).

Anyway, are you sure about this?
 
Oh, and Blogger - stop messing with my comments again goddam you.
 
What amused me about the GMTV thing was everytime they asked the bloke why they decided to renew their vows he always grunted "Well it were 'er idea really..."

Comfy there under that thumb, mate...? ;)
 
Blogger's messing with my comments, too. I think maybe they're not allowing us to comment on our own blogs.
 
Fuckkit - yes, and I bet she only wanted to be on there to show off in front of everyone who knew her, and woe betide anyone who didn't tape it off the telly, she'd bitch about them behind their back and say "well, she's only jealous - the thing is, why can't she just be happy for me?"
 
Don't people only renew their vows when at least one of them has had an affair but they've both decided to give it Another Shot?
 
Yes exactly Spinsteralla...the only couple I know who did that have now divorced...

Betty, in it's (Valentines Day) defense and dispite my postings from the last two years, one thing going for it is the excuse to remember to Be Nice. Even if it is only for one day and then it's back to the crusty underpants.
 
Spinsterella - sounds like an expensive way of sorting out the "problem" in a relationship which probably is on its last legs anyway (or maybe a form of revenge from the innocent party).

Caroline - your recent post was fine actually. I think I was looking at it from the point of view of single/divorced/unhappily married people. All that Smug Glow Of Love - Why Not Surprise Your Loved One With A Romantic Break In Paris? stuff is really rubbing their noses in it.
 
did i mention that i've found my soulmate?

i did?

oh.

*smirks*
 
oh dear, I might have let fly with a couple of sentimental, nay, romantic thoughts on V-day. Please, if you visit my blog Betty, don't read the 14th or 15th.
I'm miserable really. grumble::grumble. See, look at me snarling. GRRR.
 
No, girl & girl, you misunderstand me - I'm a sucker for weepy films like Love Story and sentimental ballads and those Irish rings where the heart points towards you if you're heart is taken, and big padded Valentine cards and anniversary meals.

Oh hang on, not really
 
You're beautiful...

Cos my life is *brilliant*
 
Ah, Bluntie. He gets everywhere like shit in a field, that one.
 
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