Thursday, January 05, 2006


In case you were wondering.

I went for a New Year's Day walk in Bursted Woods, which is a vile and sinister place, especially in the bleak midwinter. Everything went hazy. I remember little apart from an acrid stench, swarming rats, swarming purple lights and an ear-splitting droning noise.

Too much like goth night at the Xanadu Club, Birmingham, circa 1987 for my liking.

I don't know what "they" took away, although a big wave of inertia has engulfed me ever since, hence the inability to blog. At least I don't have one of those blogs where I will get 25 comments saying "Gee honey we missed you! Glad to have you back!!!" Like that woman who couldn't keep her food down once sang, no-one ever cared if I should live or die. Which is as it should be - being ignored keeps you on your toes and stops you from becoming too self-satisfied (... just about) (with any luck) (oh, who am I kidding? I'm a smug, horrible cow).

Still, in the meantime I have been reading Best 300 records of the year lists on the internet - over at Silent Words, Mr Bandito's Site, Troubled Diva, the ever brilliant Church Of Me and the very impressive best hundred albums of all time chosen by the Woebot fellow, for starters. I will have hopefully read the best 300 lists of the best 300 records of the year by the end of the week, and will realise that I only own about 4 of them because I'm old, out of touch, in the way, deaf, embarrassing, virtually incontinent, only remember things from the 1930s, pay for stuff at Aldi with pre-decimalisation currency etc., etc.

I should be posting up soon about some telly that I've watched, something grouchy about the new year, something grouchy about my neighbours, and I'll be the last person in the world to post up their favourite record of the year (just the one).

Mind you, don't hold your breath because in my last missive I said that I'd pass on my New Year's resolutions before 2005 ended. Perhaps my resolution should have been to stop making promises I can't keep. Instead, I resolve to carry on being a nasty piece of work. Shouldn't be difficult.

Keep watching this space. It is like watching paint dry.

Gee honey we missed you! Glad to have you back!!!
I am the only person I know who is not currently trying to give up drink, eat nothing but vegetables, or make lots of silly resolutions.

And they're all grumpy old fuckers right now except for me.
Very true.
Gee Betty - what a relief. We're so glad to have you back. We all thought something terrible had happened to you, like being eaten by a Wolverhampton Smogmonster. MAy you live a long a prosperous life, and have very nice grandchildren to amuse you in your old age.

PS: I'd paste in some jolly graphics of little bunnies hopping joyfully up and down, but Blogger doesn't provide such a service yet. They should so be ashamed about that.

ziopip. The feeling of unalloyed joy we all experienced when we discovered Betty had returned amongst us.
Gee Vicus, it sure is great to be back!

Or is it?

Helen - I could never give up the booze and I'm grumpy enough without being forced to exist on a diet of vegetables.

Perhaps you and Wyndham could sort out your differences with a fight: he could throw unopened packets of ciggies at you and you could retaliate with broccoli florets, perhaps.

Mark - curiously I've not been near Wolverhampton for over a decade. There are plenty of Kentish monsters to deal with though.

Oh, and I've only been away for six days. What's happened to that Bogginziz bloke? He hasn't blogged since our boys won in the Falklands.
Oh...are you back?

good Christmas...must have been if the hangover prevented you blogging for that long ;o)
guilty as charged-grumpy-but Happy new year anyway!
bollocks (grumpy due to too many vegetables (most of them working here) and no beer at all).
Good point. I'll leave him a comment.
A., K. and SG - a erm happy new year, a happy new year and bollocks (I feel like a vegetable) to you respectively.

Mark - so you have.
Was I supposed to have noticed you'd gone?

Sorry - feeling faint from lack of calories...
Kellycat - I'd only gone for 6 days, if that's being "gone". It's not that far gone.

Try drinking a glass of water! That's what all the fuckwit fitness gurus would say. Excuse my French.
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