Thursday, November 17, 2005



It has been suggested elsewhere that I am going to compose a long and serious review of the ITV programme Take That - For The Record, and I can't come up with much to write. So I am thinking on my feet here and this will be very poor. Indeed.

I really must be getting "out of the loop" with what it is trendy to say these days. Tell you something, I bet no one says "out of the loop" anymore. Anyway, according to the Guardian Guide listings, the Take That documentary suggested that "bodyguards spill all about who got the most wiffle" ... eh? Wiffle? Is that oral sex? Breakfast cereal? Cocaine?

Unfortunately we never did find out which member of the only ever great boy band got the most wiffle.

A few really in depth observations. First up, Howard and Jason were obviously the most fanciable ones. Howard has I'm glad to say continued to mature like a good wine. Oh those sunken cheekbones and those sensitive, East European eyes, like a pair of lagoons! Jason, though, I am worried about. Formerly very ravishing, he is looking quite gaunt and admits that he has terrible problems sleeping. He's been to college and travelled to Asia, but still can't seem to find The Answer.

Not least of his problems is that there was a hint that he and (dear God) Lulu might have had a fling. I don't know if this was dreamt up "for publicity reasons" (hmm) or not. It might account for his insomnia. The memories of the "fiery Glaswegian ball of energy" bearing down on him would be harrowing - it must be almost as bad as having to listen to Shout at a wedding reception disco.

Come on now, non-believers, songs like Pray and Back For Good are miles better than what is dished out by Westlife (the Grim Reapers of pop), however menacingly sensible Gary Barlow is. Apparently he played organ for Ken Dodd, y'know. However, Robbie "Let Me Light Entertain You" Williams won the pop wars in his feud with Gary but, y'know what? Gary was the real winner because he got married to one of the band's dancers and has two children! And a vile massive stately home with millions of rooms in that he never uses! He must get up of a morning and think "Christ ... where's the fucking bathroom?"

Nice footage of the band's coach driving through hordes of screaming, lusty young Japanese girls banging on the windows while Take That were on board singing "in love with an image, you're just in love with an image".

The programme climaxed with the band members meeting up again after all these years, with the predictable exception of Robbie "Variety Club Of Great Britain" Williams who sent a personal message telling Howard, Jason and Littlemark that they were good lads really, no hard feelings, and Mr Bartlett that he was a "good songwriter", heh heh. Diplomacy in action.

Everybody was gutted that world famous Robbie "The Chegwin Factor" Williams didn't turn up in person, especially Littlemark who probably went on to say "Wob's always been a gwate mate. He'll always lend me a fiver on those difficult couple of days before the Giwo comes thwough fwom the Social Secuwity".

They cut that bit out, mind.

The Lulu revelation is news to me.
The thought of the diminutive slapper with the Glaswegian/Los Angeles accent bearing down on anyone doesn't bear thinking about.
have posted 'a little something' for us both to enjoy (hope i haven't misremembered) over at my place...i expect to be slated for it by all and sundry but i don't care...

apols for missing your competition (was staying with the outlaws - two words [or is it one?]: dial-up)

will check back re take that shortly...all i do each night is pray etc.
Garfer - I'm a bit cynical about the "revelation" - most likely to be an attempt to whip up publicity as there's a Take That hits compilation out. Hmm, who's to know if Jason is even interested in women, let alone Lulu, eh?

Urban Chick - yeah, I have had a look ... I won't tell anyone else ...

All I do each night is pray, drink a bottle of vodka and fall asleep on the sofa.
there was a fabulous moment at our house when i turned to the other half and said in astonishment "oh, my god. HOW gay is jason orange???" i feel very very silly that i never spotted that before.

as for gary "noel edmonds" barlow...talk about your conspicuous consumerism. and he had ugly kids. who hated his singing. and his wife only married him for the money. and every single day he wishes he was robbie williams. hahahahahahahaha.
Good on Robbie for not turning up and allowing the Failed Four from basking in his glorious Career.
I once saw Robbie Williams near Trafalgar Square. He was about ten foot tall and was wearing a long Matrix-style coat.
Surly Girl - Well, I wasn't going to say that about Jason because I was worried I might be stereotyping him, but, come to think of it ... that's why I think the Lulu thing was a publicity scam (there used to be some woman who sold stories to the tabloids about her nights of passion with Freddie Mercury with full approval from his management, apparently).

Gary Barlow has got it all though hasn't he, snigger.

Aginoth - Hey, perhaps the other ones paid Robbie not to turn up as a publicity scam! And Robbie is definitely gay, probably, and has an "open" relationship with Gloria Hunniford!

Geoff - Not a lot of people know that.
I once saw Anne Diamond near Tottenham Court Road. She too was about ten feet tall and wearing a long matrix-style coat. Only it was white, of course. And impossibly glamorous, as only the queen of breakfast telly could be when it's 1988 and the world is falling at your feet.

Do they go to a special school to learn this sort of thing?
I find it difficult to believe Anne Diamond is about ten feet tall. Perhaps she was wearing stilts under her long Matrix-style coat.
I was surprised myself. Being on telly clearly knocks inches off your height at the same time as it adds inches to your waistline. Cat Deeley is probably 6 foot eight with a 12 inch waist.

Don't ask how I know who Cat Deeley is.

Fxupws. What a Welsh marriage / parent / car mechanic does to you.
... so this means that Vanessa Feltz is actually telling the truth when she says she is a
size 12 ...
hi betty,

you really made my day with your entry about "take that - for the record" or "re-light my fireplace". :D I almost killed myself laughing, especially about the funny "middle names" you throught up for the robster! and yeah, what is this thing about "who got the most wiffle"... hmm!? *lol*

Cheers, Katie - I always get a bit worried about comments that people send on old blog posts because it's either people informing me that I'm clueless, or someone saying "hmmm ... interesting", and you have to trawl through about a year's worth of posts to find out which one they've left the comment on! At least yours is positive.

I also did an entry in December 2006 about Gary Barlow's Christmas Day meal, at http://bettysutility.blogspot.com/2005/12/million-love-songs-later.html if you're interested (not that I'm plugging my blog ... honest ...)
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