Tuesday, November 15, 2005


You will be unbelievably interested to find out that the attempts to repair the infamous gas heater came to nothing in the end, which means that we have a gentleman coming to fit another one in a couple of days. I have been running around attempting to make the house look relatively tidy, like the sort of house that a normal person would live in. All sorts of things have been stuffed into wardrobes which are now full to bursting point, and the CD's and DVD's which the husband always leaves on the floor will have to be put back into their allotted space, by me.

The fitter may be an Eddie "The Eagle" Edwards lookalike with a loping, ape-like gait, but he SEEMS to know what he is talking about (still, they all do really). Plus, his quote was a grand cheaper than the first company who did a survey for us, and he was willing to do the work that Jason-whose-dad-used-to-know-Alf wasn't.

Anyway, this is still going to cost a lot.

* * * * * * *

Because of the expense of the new heater, there will be no long haul middle class holiday next year (ha ha, as if there ever is).

Before the quote, we were trying to be "realistic" about the situation by thinking of spending about 4 days in a static caravan in Prestatyn.

Now that we have the quote, we are being even more "realistic".

Next year we will splash out on a couple of nights in a car on the hard shoulder, in February.

There are resorts galore only an hour or two away from where we live. The problem is that we live on the east rather than the west side of England.

The west side has gorgeous Cornwall and Wales.

South east England has a number of seaside towns where the percentage of the population with glass eyes is 430 times above the national average, and the rest of the population looks like the guests on the Jeremy Kyle Show. Many of the town names end in git: Margit, Westgit, Sandgit.

Margit is the subject of a Chas 'n' Dave song:

"You can stick yer Costa Bravas
Or yer delightful little cottage in Tuscany
Wiv an amazing vineyard nearby
I'm tellin' yer mate I'd ravver
'Ave a pint of whelks
Daahn in Margit
Wiv all me family"

It is also the place that Tracey Emin escaped from, with most of her sanity intact.

Other depressing coastal towns include Sheerness on the Isle Of Sheppey, where it advisable not to make eye contact with the locals, or Seasalter, where I once saw a morbidly obese boy bobbing about in the sea fully clothed. He had probably been there for several days. Herne Bay ... Cliftonville ...

I am still mulling over which one to choose. I would ask other bloggers for their advice but as they are loathe to leave their comments here anymore it will be up to us alone.

To suffer is to live.

I was sent to work in Southend for a week once.
What a godawful dump. A pier streching into Thames mudflats and pikeys puking on the seafront.
how about a long wander under the greenwich foot tunnel to the isle of dogs and a visit to mudchute city farm (pitching your tent in the park next door - usually plenty of leftover mcdonalds happy meals to munch on for cheap and nutritious meals)

really can't recommend highly enough
I have a very happy memory of a day in Margate.

Obviously I have many depressing ones too, but it sure beats Sowfend!

We're just going cap in hand to the lovely bank manager to get the roof fixed. Fuck it. When we're dead, the kids can pay our debts off.
Garfer - I've managed to avoid visiting Saaaarffend thus far, but most other resorts down here seem to fit the same description.

Urban Chick - did the walk from the Greenwich foot tunnel to the Isle of Dogs a couple of years ago. VERY odd place. Perhaps I should compile a list of Disgusting South London Walks for publication. Bursted Woods near me comes to mind ... syringes, petrol caninsters, kestrels chasing massive rats. A beautiful pastoral scene.
"It is also the place that Tracey Emin escaped from, with most of her sanity intact."

Most of her sanity, yes, but not sadly her face.
oi!! there's nuffink wrong with saaaaaaaarfend. [your "that a nuclear bomb/tsunami/drugs-and underage-sex-while-eating-kfc tsar couldn't fix here]. i fucking love southend, me. it's miles better than yaaarmuth (which is where people from blackpool go on holiday and they never remember to bring their flannels or hairbrushes).
Missus A - we narrowly avoided buying a house with a roof that was caving in. Good job we had a survey ...

Wyndham - there should be more women like Tracey Emin in the public eye to balance out all of the famous men who have faces like a slapped arse.

Surly Girl - I can't criticise Saaaaaaaaaaaaarfffend myself as I've never been there. Does Leigh On Sea which is nearby count? That's not a bad place. I'm sure Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarfffend can't be worse than Sheerness.
If we're playing "Worst coastal resorts in the South East" top trumps, can I play Clacton?

Highfields holiday camp had barbed wire around the top of the boundary fence. This was to keep the guests in, rather than the locals out.
Kellycat - I have reliably been informed that I HAVE visited Clacton, yet I can remember nothing at all about the place.

Was Highfields closed down? Were the inmates liberated by troops?
Not really been to many of the easterly resorts, but of the few I have been too great Yarmouth is right up there as pit of the century, horrible covered in puking boy racers, smacked up arseholes, and that's just the locals, the tourists are worse...
The jury is still out on the most horrible resort. There seem to be a lot of puking locals. Perhaps it is down to the consumption of whelks and mussels.
My few visits to Margate were quite pleasant, but (i) we're talking the 1970s and (ii) I lived in far-away-from-the-sea Birmingham and we didn't have a car, so a visit to our (Maidstone) grandparents with a day-trip to the seaside was quite a treat.

I went to Brighton for teh first time the other week. I wasn't that impressed.
I too lived in the land-locked west midlands and always looked forward to visits to the seaside as a child. There are a few coastal places which are okay in the south east (Folkestone, Deal, Reculver) which we tend to visit again and again because of the lack of choice.

Brighton is a bit overrated really - it seems to be full of students desperately attempting to be fashionable and bohemian.
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