Tuesday, November 29, 2005


The annual South London Blogmeet takes place on January 17th, 2006, at the Bear And Old Ragged Staff public house in Crayford.

Unlike the North London bloggers, who will sit around until the early hours chainsmoking and discussing hieroglyphics, Don DeLillo and how "amazingly spot on" Charlie Brooker is, the topics of conversation will include:

* whether or not to get a conservatory as "it puts at least ten grand onto the value of your house"

* that ITV programme about the cowboy builders that was on last night

* getting a four wheel drive - "you need one when you've got kids, innit?"

* how this country is going to the dogs

The blogmeet will last between 6.30 and 10.15 pm because Mandy has got to get back - "me mum's babysitting Reese but she wants to get to the lock-in at the **********" (a hostelry that I cannot name for obvious reasons).

Everyone should gather in the car park at the back beforehand. All men should wear polyester Ellesse tracksuit bottoms covered in masonry dust, and all women should have a cigarette behind their ear and wear baby pink fleecy jogging bottoms tucked into either pink timberlands or those big furry inuit boots with the ties and bobbles.

Anyone carrying a rolled up copy of the Daily Star in their back pocket is entitled to forego their round.

See you there.

Can I start a fight?

And I have Telewest rather than Freeview, can I still come? (I've got all the Sky Movies channels but only watch I & II if that helps).
Hmmm, Charlie Brooker is usually pretty much spot on. Guess I won't be there...
Wyndham - if I remember rightly your dad was a boxer, so you win a few cred points despite being part of the Islington mafia (boo). However, you really need to work harder with your television choices: Fat Rob knows someone who will be able to get you a device you can put in your digibox which means you can watch any channel in the world - just think, Malaysian tractor racing, the A-Team dubbed into Hindi or the Japanese football league, 24/7! It will probably cost 35-40 notes, but don't go telling the world and his wife.

MB - erm, I think Charlie Brooker is pretty much spot on as well, but I'm trying to keep quiet about it.
I can't make it because I don't have a visa to get into sawf London, but it's 24 hour opening now dontchknow, so Mandy's mum can go to the pub at 2am when you're all good and ready!
The landlord's a big bear of a man. A bit like Al Murray with body hair. The bar staff are old and ragged. A bit like Barbara Windsor.

Can't we make it a Monday and go to the dogs instead? Unless that's the night the whole country's going.
There is no 24 hour licensing around here. The landlords would be very displeased to find out that any other pubs were opening outside the traditional hours, with the exception of the lock-in. It is an ancient by-law. Lines must never be crossed.
Geoff! You are probably on to something. After all, January 17th is the first night of Celebrity Fat Club. I'm sure that a Monday night at the greyhound racing will get them all swarming in, and there's nothing which anyone watches on the telly then.

Mind you, I have now got to look up a map of Crayford Greyhound Stadium on Google.

Bollocks then ... just you and me on a pub crawl around Welling in August it is then.
Tragically, I can’t be there, though it sounds right up my street, and the two-hander in Welling even more so. You-and-me-and-the-BNP-makes-three, eh?

Meanwhile this is just to let you know that Toasty’s Futon is now up and running again at a new URL:


Please amend your link when the pressures of life allow.

The archived version of the earlier blog is 50% complete and will contain (nearly?) all the original comments as well as my own postings. It’s at


Thanks for your support. Be afraid, be very afraid. Hic.
Toasty, that announcement is at least better than the announcement of the South London Blogmeet, and provides some cheer as we approach the most cheerless month of the year which in turn leads up to the most cheerless day of the year.

Thank you to the 329 people who have signed up for the blogmeet overnight, especially to Mr and Mrs Barry Onions who will be travelling down from Somerset, and Mr Greentree from Huddersfield. It has now been moved to Flicks Nightclub (Erith) on March 10th, 2008.
The Onions both have the same forename - what are the chances of that happening?

I've decided I can't make it. I'm sure there's something good on Men And Motors that night. About cars and topless women. or is it topless cars and women?
Once again the legitimacy of Mr and Mrs Onions is called into question.

They are referred to in the old fashioned, pre-feminist way. Mrs Onions' name is Tabitha.

Is Men And Motors still going?
a very nice name indeed, is tabitha. suits Small People particularly well (and i don't mean midgets or ronnie "tabitha" corbett)
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Blimey. It reminds me of the little girl on Bewitched (the 1960's tv phenomenon, not the shortlived Irish girl group, which was spelt differently).
Oo, it's just like Oasis v Blur all over again. Do I get to threaten you half-heartedly at an awards ceremony? While you assume a mockney accent and sire an untold number of children in Iceland (the shop, not the country)?

I *can* do the cigarette behind the ear, though. Does this mean I can come? Please...
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er, sorry about all the removed comments ... I seem to have lost the ability to express myself in English.

I don't think the Oasis/Blur approach is the right one. Attempting a mockney accent on top of my droning west midlands accent would be foolish enough, although I suppose I did suggest meeting at a greyhound stadium so it's all my own fault.

Besides which, who would be the Graham Coxon from our lot and who would be the Bonehead from your lot?

Anyway, allcomers welcome to the 2008 blogmeet. I will be distributing warnings of potential violence in Erith. It is best to come "tooled up" with nail guns or anything else you can get your hands on at a builders' merchants.
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