Sunday, October 23, 2005
UNINTERESTING - THE FINAL CHAPTER
The last lot. By now the tagging thing is "sooo last season". It's great to be the last person off the bandwagon.
15. I think the last nightclub I went to was the Hacienda, circa 1992. I remember dancing like a thing possessed to You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) by Sylvester, to the point where it would probably have been best if someone had taken me to one side insisting that I have a sit down and take a few deep breaths from an oxygen mask. The reason for my enthusiasm? It was the only song I'd recognised all night. Obviously a sign that I was well overdue to age with at least some dignity. No more clubbing, then.
16. I once had a close shave in a motoring accident. The car I was in was shunted along the road by a lorry, and spun round three times. Miraculously, the lorry stopped just as our car came to a halt across its path, and I was saying "Stop! Stop!" in a feeble voice, uselessly enough. I expected the lorry driver to be the standard big burly bloke, but out of the cab jumped the little baldy slaphead bloke from the Benny Hill Show ... anyway, I had delayed shock, and was a nervous wreck every time I was in a vehicle when lorries were on the road. It's still slightly unnerving to see a juggernaut in the next lane to me even now, some 12 years later.
17. Oddly enough, I DO have maternal instincts - it's just that they're all geared towards cute animals - as in "oh, look at that puppy!" or "oh, come and look at this, there are some fledgling blackbirds in the garden!" As for human babies - can't see the point, really. Most of the children I encounter are midget thugs with no volume control, and I'm hacked off by the middle class tendency to become a sanctimonious twat at the moment of parenthood. "Being a parent makes you a less selfish person". Does it bollocks.
18. In my early 30's I assessed my stunningly average academic success and career underachievment and considered becoming a mature student. Luckily, nothing came of it apart from a grade B Sociology A-Level. As some woman in a job interview said to me "Is there any grand plan to all these night classes you have been doing?" in a very sarky voice. Made me see sense, at any rate.
19. My desert island disc would be Horses by Patti Smith.
20. Nearly there, thank the heck. My favourite non-alcoholic tipple is a really strong cup of tea. I love the smell of tea and the powdery taste it leaves in your mouth. Except I can't drink it any more "for health reasons" (as people say when they are trying to be enigmatic).
Cary Grant once said quite perceptively that people are the opposite of what they seem. I don't know if this list proves that about me, but I'm past caring. Thank the fuck it is over, eh?
15. I think the last nightclub I went to was the Hacienda, circa 1992. I remember dancing like a thing possessed to You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) by Sylvester, to the point where it would probably have been best if someone had taken me to one side insisting that I have a sit down and take a few deep breaths from an oxygen mask. The reason for my enthusiasm? It was the only song I'd recognised all night. Obviously a sign that I was well overdue to age with at least some dignity. No more clubbing, then.
16. I once had a close shave in a motoring accident. The car I was in was shunted along the road by a lorry, and spun round three times. Miraculously, the lorry stopped just as our car came to a halt across its path, and I was saying "Stop! Stop!" in a feeble voice, uselessly enough. I expected the lorry driver to be the standard big burly bloke, but out of the cab jumped the little baldy slaphead bloke from the Benny Hill Show ... anyway, I had delayed shock, and was a nervous wreck every time I was in a vehicle when lorries were on the road. It's still slightly unnerving to see a juggernaut in the next lane to me even now, some 12 years later.
17. Oddly enough, I DO have maternal instincts - it's just that they're all geared towards cute animals - as in "oh, look at that puppy!" or "oh, come and look at this, there are some fledgling blackbirds in the garden!" As for human babies - can't see the point, really. Most of the children I encounter are midget thugs with no volume control, and I'm hacked off by the middle class tendency to become a sanctimonious twat at the moment of parenthood. "Being a parent makes you a less selfish person". Does it bollocks.
18. In my early 30's I assessed my stunningly average academic success and career underachievment and considered becoming a mature student. Luckily, nothing came of it apart from a grade B Sociology A-Level. As some woman in a job interview said to me "Is there any grand plan to all these night classes you have been doing?" in a very sarky voice. Made me see sense, at any rate.
19. My desert island disc would be Horses by Patti Smith.
20. Nearly there, thank the heck. My favourite non-alcoholic tipple is a really strong cup of tea. I love the smell of tea and the powdery taste it leaves in your mouth. Except I can't drink it any more "for health reasons" (as people say when they are trying to be enigmatic).
Cary Grant once said quite perceptively that people are the opposite of what they seem. I don't know if this list proves that about me, but I'm past caring. Thank the fuck it is over, eh?
Comments:
Very good. Proust couldn't have strung it out that long.
You Make Me Feel(Mighty Real)what a fabulous, fabulous song. You have nothing to remonstrate with yourself about.
You Make Me Feel(Mighty Real)what a fabulous, fabulous song. You have nothing to remonstrate with yourself about.
tagging is no more last season than the shrug and me, i've enjoyed your tri-sequel tag
and i'd rather read this than a la recherche any day
fufsufhm = fuff suff him, gwan! (i feel sure that means sth...)
and i'd rather read this than a la recherche any day
fufsufhm = fuff suff him, gwan! (i feel sure that means sth...)
Garfer - yeah, I don't think Patti Smith ever topped that debut (I know it's a cliche to say that. Just my personal opinion, etc, etc).
Wyndham - There are five volumes of Proust in the local library which I feel I ought to read at some point, once the mountain of books at home has been depleted (... in about 2025). I really am feeling guilty about the lack of reading I'm doing these days, especially heavy, dreary stuff which I don't enjoy but is probably good for me, hem hem.
Urban Chick - Hmm, that shrug probably won't keep you warm in the winter, and neither will tagging (just my personal opinion, etc, etc).
oyngz: citrus fruit sold by loveable cockneys on the market, as in "gercha oyngz 'ere, girls, gercha Jaffas, 60 pence a paahnd"
Wyndham - There are five volumes of Proust in the local library which I feel I ought to read at some point, once the mountain of books at home has been depleted (... in about 2025). I really am feeling guilty about the lack of reading I'm doing these days, especially heavy, dreary stuff which I don't enjoy but is probably good for me, hem hem.
Urban Chick - Hmm, that shrug probably won't keep you warm in the winter, and neither will tagging (just my personal opinion, etc, etc).
oyngz: citrus fruit sold by loveable cockneys on the market, as in "gercha oyngz 'ere, girls, gercha Jaffas, 60 pence a paahnd"
Well done. I'm proud of you for sticking with it (& finding 20 facts about yourself that were neither degrading, shameful or illegal).
now it's done you can be all smug about how people were SO interested in you & your blog they absolutely had to find out more.
I'm dfeeling a bit left out of all the tagging thing now, as no-body tagged me for anything. Not that I want to do it mind, but it would have been nice to have been asked.....
now it's done you can be all smug about how people were SO interested in you & your blog they absolutely had to find out more.
I'm dfeeling a bit left out of all the tagging thing now, as no-body tagged me for anything. Not that I want to do it mind, but it would have been nice to have been asked.....
Well Missus A., the fact that I managed to find 20 facts about myself that were neither degrading, shameful or illegal suggest that I'm a complete bore.
I dunno about being smug about completing the list - I'm more occupied at the moment with being annoyed with our central heating - we have called out British Gas FOUR times since Thursday ... still enough of that.
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I dunno about being smug about completing the list - I'm more occupied at the moment with being annoyed with our central heating - we have called out British Gas FOUR times since Thursday ... still enough of that.
