Betty's Utility Room

I bleeding well love Sopranos. A fairly obvious television programme to like, but I'm past the point of caring if my tastes are obvious.

However, the best thing about the Sopranos, to me, was always Tony's relationship with his complete cowbag of a mother Livia, brilliantly played by Nancy Marchand. Damn inconvenient for Nancy to die during the filming of - was it the second or third series (sorry, ought to do my research and geek up properly)?

At some point I remember the Soprano family were having one of their endless family get together meals when Livia didn't turn up. Outrageous behaviour: in the Soprano's rulebook, kicking a man to a pulp, taking him into the woods to be shot or garrotting someone is perfectly acceptable, but not turning up at a family get together is beyond the pale. Tony was fuming about it afterwards, recalling stuff he'd learnt at his "secret" counselling sessions. "They call this fucking stuff negative attention getting, I've heard about it" he ranted. Or words to that effect - I couldn't be arsed to pore over hours of HBO scripts to find out EXACTLY what he said.

Well, there's a thing. I've come to realise that I like a bit of negative attention getting myself. Not turning up at events that I've been invited to and therefore annoying people is quite enjoyable. It happened again a week or so back.

We were originally asked if we'd like to attend Ron's 70th birthday do. As very few people were likely to turn up, it was weeks before his birthday, and we would be going to a meal with him nearer the time, we declined the offer.

Needless to say, after the event we were informed that Everybody Turned Up. The daughters-in-law turned up. "Even the babies" turned up. The two feral grandchildren whose endearing habits include biting their grandparents turned up. Worst of all - Pete And Shirley From Crockenhill turned up (it is not just Pete and Shirley. It has always been Pete And Shirley From Crockenhill). Just imagine! Pete and Shirley From Crockenhill had come all the way from Crockenhill!

The one good thing is that Norma and Roger didn't go.

"You should have come, we had a great time".

This can only mean one thing. People have been saying things about us, and have been disappointed. I quite enjoy that. This means I am a complete bitch, and I am admitting it to you here as a form of therapy.

It's a habit I've acquired over a number of years. I've used every excuse going to avoid going to weddings as I HATE WEDDINGS MORE THAN ALMOST ANYTHING. All people who invite you to weddings say "don't worry, our wedding isn't going to be the usual sort of do!" and of course it always is. I hate weddings so much that there were only four guests at my own. Once again I managed to indulge in a bit of negative attention getting, because a number of people were disappointed about my churlish behaviour. Result!

Unfortunately, the chance to avoid social events is getting slimmer and slimmer. For starters, I married someone who is likely to say "well, you can't not go, really ..." as a response to most invites. Hmm, two negatives don't make a positive in my book, but marriage is all about compromise, isn't it? The other thing is the in-laws put a lot of stock by family get togethers. I should point out that this is the only thing they share in common with the Sopranos. As far as I know, my mother-in-law has not garrotted anyone.

So this is a tough time of year for me, as all the in-law family birthdays seem to occur in the last three months of the year. Then there is the social phobic's nadir, Christmas, to deal with. The nadir of Christmas Day, of course, is those games you are forced to play after dinner. Consequences? Pictionary? How old am I, bloody seven? Better to sit at home sulking and missed by everyone else, who hopefully is tutting about your miserly behaviour. They have put themselves out, so why can't you?

Anyways, must go, can't see you tonight as I've got a migraine coming on. Laters xxx!!