Monday, October 31, 2005


I am indebted to MB of the Me Me Me blog who pondered "I wonder what ... (The Famous Five) are doing now?" in the comments section a few posts back - mainly because it gave me the chance to do a post based on this premise.

Not that I'm so lazy that I can't be arsed to think up new blogging ideas myself. Not at all.

Even though visiting numbers are down and I'm too apathetic to do anything about it by putting out dynamic, upbeat daily posts about my interesting and aspirational lifestyle. Or confessional, downbeat daily posts about how my traumatic childhood, weird selections of phobias, counselling, alcoholism, drug dependancy and third messy divorce have all conspired to make MY life oh so awful compared to yours dear reader, and you should be sooo thankful that you don't have to live like ME.

No, instead I just do long whiney tracts about how the gas boiler has been on the blink.

*reader rolls eyes to back of head*



There were 21 Famous Five books, and I can remember working out that the oldest of the gang would have been at least 25 by the end of the series, yet they were still wearing big shorts, woolly socks and those crepe soled sandals, as they had done when around the age of 10. This seemed bizarre to me as a child, and I had yet to see Dennis Potter's Blue Remembered Hills.

If they were still alive today, all of the Five would be in their 70's.

This is what I guess may have happened to them, if they finally entered the adult world (... in their 30's?)


Blond, arrogant, handsome superhero type Julian, the oldest of the clan, obviously became a longstanding Conservative MP for a constituency in the Cotswolds, after marrying a minor royal. There was even talk of a Cabinet post in the 1960's, until his fall from grace in a scandal involving a mother, a daughter, the home help and a well loved family pet.

He retired to Tuscany several years ago.


The Five member with the least discernible personality. Spent most of his adult life in a dreary time-serving post in the upper echelons of the Civil Service. Soulless but enduring marriage. Died of a heart attack within weeks of retiring.


The boyish Georgina remained a rebel and moved to New York in the 1960's. A key figure around the Greenwich Village scene, she was an outspoken lesbian feminist and at the forefront of the anti-Vietnam movement. Published several radical underground feminist books which were considered classics of their genre.

In later years she mellowed somewhat, and became a Harvard professor.


Face it, Anne was a gurlly gurlly gurlly gurll, and therefore deeply annoying.

As an adult, naturally enough she married as soon as possible, to a friend of Julian's (also a Conservative MP) and became a "homemaker" and mother to four children.

She always stood by her husband, despite his numerous affairs with girls barely out of their teens. She was accustomed to a certain lifestyle, and thought her way of coping was the Right Way, the British Way.

Unfortunately she also developed an increasing tendency to knock back the gin slings during those long and dreary afternoons alone.

She died of liver failure at the age of 51.


Possibly the only likeable member of the Five. Lived a long and happy life, after which he was mounted* and placed in the foyer of the Famous Five-themed public house on Kirrin Island, the Secret Passageway. Visitors may not be aware that there is a continuing flea problem with Timmy, and he has to be defumigated at regular intervals.

* (not mounted by Julian in the previously mentioned scandal, I should hasten to add)

I prefer not to detail what happened to the shadowy figures of Aunt Fanny and Uncle Quentin. Suffice to say that their allegiances during World War Two were rather suspect, and there was a long trial a few years back at great expense to the taxpayer.

I don't think Blyton would have allowed George to do any such thing!

Although I am apparently the only person in the world who has never read any Famous Five, Secret Seven (or until my kids were born, Noddy!), so what would I know?
Well that sorts that one out. Hmm, the Secret Seven, I wonder what became of them?
i always wanted to be georgie whenever we 'played' famous five...

so now i find myself asking: what went wrong (with me)??
Well I too had Julian down as a disgraced Tory MP, great minds and all.

But Dick was a high flying detective with Scotland Yard, whose career was brought to an untimely end when he accidentally used the N-word in court to describe a suspect. Last seen running his own private security firm in Hull and doing 'undercover' work with the National Front.

Hmm, your George is better than what I had her doing. I had her answering to the name "Dave" and working as a roadie for some mid card rock band. I'm with you on the Anne thing - but I had her turning the gun on her oppressive husband and using a hatchet to chop him up and serve him to her kids with the help of a George Foreman's Lean Mean Grilling Machine. And then driving the car into the river with the kids in the boot.

And Timmy took his new found celeb status well. He travelled the world and was the world's number one expert of the rights of canines. Until he took a trip to South Korea and was never seen again.
Missus A - You're not missing much, believe me.

Mike - You know, I tried to read the Secret Seven books but really couldn't get interested. I was probably becoming more preoccupied with looking at posters of David Cassidy in Jackie magazine at that point ...

Urban Chick - When you're a little girl being a tomboy seems more fun, but that dies out and you become interested in embroidery, tea dances, lacey bonnets and blushing when a boy looks at you.

MB - This is a far better appraisal of the Five than mine and obviously better thought out. Dick seems to be the big scary looking bloke who was handing out leaflets about national pride in the town centre at the weekend.
I was hoping to join in with gusto with this subject but having no knowledge of the Famous Five, the Secret Seven or any of those mysterious organisations makes it difficult. However, what with teenagers these days, I'm sure lashings of ginger beer will have been replaced byh a crate of Special Brew and a vial of ketamine.
Was Timmy more famous than Laika?
Wyndham - I have the feeling that, prior to her death, Enid Blyton would have been planning to write about childhood gangs who were more in step with the 1960's - for instance, the Apathetic Eight, who were, like, too stoned to go out and find criminals, or the Nonsensical Nine who spent too much time tripping on acid to ever consider solving crimes.

Geoff - As Laika was a Russian hero, I would've thought by comparison, Timmy wasn't as famous. Perhaps the Famous Five books were hugely popular in the Cold War-era USSR, but I doubt it.
EVERYONE knows that Uncle Quentin was a closet homosexual and active cottager. he was co sponsor of David Steel's 1967 White Paper calling for the legalisation of homosexual acts between consenting males.
Garfer, I have problems believing Uncle Quentin was any sort of human rights pioneer. As far as I remember, he was a scientist, an evasive bloke given to having terrible black moods. All this scientific work took place just before and during the war. A coincidence? Was he in cahoots with the Germans or Japanese?

Not my place to say.
Spot on as ever, Betty, but what became of Mr Luffy? Eh?
Was he another dog?
That's all a retty fair reflection of how they'd end up I think.

Never read the Secret Seven, my brother got those I got the Famous Five

WV: ganjapox: unsightly disease caused by smoking to much pot
Mr Luffy was an avuncular figure, a teacher of the boys, who accompanied them on a camping holiday. I don't think you'd be able to get away with that kind of thing nowadays. He seemed like a nice old stick though, and had an obsession with insects.

Unfortunately, in my version of things he fell off a cliff.

My word verification is actually uhzzbig. Oo-er missus.
Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?