Wednesday, August 31, 2005


An update of an item I first posted here, about a year back. Well, it's not exactly the same but of course I have got to recycle stuff on this clapped out old blog. I had to keep my ear to the ground to find out what the wimmin are saying, y'know. Literally three minutes of intense research ...

1. "She turned around to me and said ... "
STILL number one after a year, STILL the only phrase in town. I try to drop it into any given conversation at least a dozen times.

2. "I tell you, she has got ISSUES."
The polite way to say that someone is barking.

3. "I nearly turned around to her and said "you need to take a chill pill."
A reference to someone else who is barking. The key word here is "nearly". Women always "nearly" said something.

4. "What she needs to do is to find her own space and that. She needs to find closure."
The Trisha show casts a long shadow and has a lot to answer for.

5. Mum: "Reese is really looking forward to having a little bruvver or sister - aren't you Reese?"
Reese: "Noe."
Mum: "Aaaw - he's only joking, aren't you darlin'?"
Reese: "NOE!!!"

6. "I'm going up Bluewater. I want to get one of them shrugs. It's just the thing for covering up when it gets a bit cooler in the evenings, like if you're having a barbecue or summat?"
Note to non-fashion victims: the shrug is to 2005 what the poncho was 2004. Expect to see them on the sale rails in about six months' time.

7. "Did you see that wotsisname, Kate Moss's boyfriend, on Live Aid? Christ, what a STATE - I didn't know whether to laugh or cry."

8. "We're a soft touch in this country."
This has become a wimmin mantra. All of those terrorists coming over and getting rooms in the Savoy, and you can't even get your varicose veins seen to on the NHS. It's not right, is it?

9. "We're going to get some of them Polish builders in to put up the new conservatory. They're a lot cheaper and it'll put loads on the value of the house."
Thank God we're a soft touch in this country, eh?

10. "I like that Gordon Ramsay, 'e always speaks 'is mind".
Yes dear, and he effs and jeffs almost as much as you.


lol Betty, so true! the other one I hear a lot is "I don't care what anyone else says but..." before repeating what ever vitriol the Daily Mail has just printed.
"with the Greatest respect..." Definition - actually what I'm about to say is completely disrepectful to you and prbably downright bleeding insulting to boot, but i'm too insensitive to care.
Excellent Betty! as was the first version. Number 4 is a cracker - although I think your last comment should be number 11. :-)

Let's not forget: I hear what you're saying.
You can hear the BUT can't you?
Excellent! You're all ears...

Don't forget 'I'm not a racist BUT...'

And the punctuation: 'So I said... then she said... then I said... then she said... then I said... then she said...'
at the end of the day.....it takes all sorts, doesn't it.

i like "don't take this the wrong way..." which is generally followed by something breathtakingly rude and insulting.

this time's word verification code: duktih (n) a west african stew consisting entirely of weevils.

'I'm not being funny BUT...'
Thanks for your responses. The world is full of ferocious women, it seems.

I felt a bit guilty posting this stuff up, as if I'm being a working class traitor. To balance it out, I ought to do a post about What Middle Class Women Say - except I don't really know any middle class women. I suspect it would be stuff about how it's impossible to get your five month old foetus on the waiting list at some independent school.

By the way, I once broke a tooth off while eating an African stew (mutton rather than weevils). I don't know what caused the breakage, and didn't find the bit of tooth either. Very sinister.
Where did all this turning around lark start? Was it a driver who didn't keep their eyes on the road?

She turned around and said, 'DO YOU THINK I'VE GOT EYES IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD?'
I think it all started after "The Exorcist" came out, with the little girl with the swivelling head.

Oddly enough, the person I've heard use the phrase "turned around to me and said" the most was a bloke I encountered at a wedding - I've no idea what he was talking about, because I was so enthralled by his use of the expression about 30 times in the course of a short conversation. Then he just disappeared - possibly he turned around and said something to someone else.
D'you know what I mean?

I actually used to answer this many years ago.......

I don't think you're being disloyal - all that I'm not being funny/rascist stuff is pretty middle class. Which is to say I've heard a lot of middle class people use them.
Caroline - just an update on 'do you know what I mean?' The correct pronunciation is now as follows:


Which is rather a nice word, now I come to look at it...
Caroline - most of the middle class people I've met have tended towards being liberal/left-thinking, and usually a bit apologetic about their background, but I suppose prejudice cuts across class barriers (... and everyone is prejudiced against something).

Mark "Naahrmin?" - that'll be white kids pretending to be black, or ex-members of boybands who are trying to add a bit of cred to their solo careers. As in "I haff these friend, rahht, and I have a beef with one of them innit?" or something along those lines.
the Ex used to tell me endless boring stories over and over and over again, and would use the phrase "and so forth, and what have you" at least four times.

it made me want to stab him with a fork. i still want to do that, actually, but divorce is better in the eyes of the law.

merpipso (n): medication to reduce the swelling encountered on trapping your nose in a sash window
I don't know how I'd be able to get the phrase "and so forth, and what have you" into a day-to-day conversation - was he a Shakespearian actor? Sounds like good grounds for divorce or possible imprisonment to me though.

Coming soon: the Oxford Word Verification Dictionary.
love it love it love it!!

and another: 'the GP - hesindianBUTverynice - said she should have them scraped'

bring on the oxford word verification dictionary - it's bringing a new thrill to blogging/comment-posting (or is it just me...?)

*cocks ear to listen out for sniggering*
shakespearian actor, no. twat, yes. the sort of person who will tell you something, then tell you again in a slightly different order. multiply over eight years and it's no wonder we're consulting our solicitors.

skxkn: intergalactic warriors of the sort that disintegrate your immediate family in the name of peace
Betty - sorry to report (having watched Big Brother rather more than was good for me this year) that 'naahrmin' is in general use amongst young people of all ethnic backgrounds...

Unlike my latest verification word, which is completely unpronounceable...
Do Blogger have to check every language in the world to make sure that a word verification word is not hugely offensive?

Mark - I'll have to trust that your opinion about "naahrmin" is right, as I only see about 2 minutes of Big Brother each year. I was just showing off, anyway, which is nothing new.

Oh, alright then ... cwnpuvb. A grim looking alehouse in Haverfordwest where the locals look daggers at you as you stand at the bar.

I knew I'd get something like that.
I've been to that pub!

qigrggrl. Sounds awfully like a modern lass, to me...
What the hell is a shrug?? I keep hearing about them, but being a boy, it means absolutely nothing to me. Is it just a shawl with a poncey name so the fashionistas can hawk it on us for a vastly inflated price?
If you can imagine a cardigan which is about the size of something a five year old would wear, but worn by an adult woman - that's what a shrug is, and of course it is twice the price of a normal cardigan, and of course it doesn't keep you warm because it doesn't cover your kidneys.
The one which does my head in is something my mother-in-law tells me when I disagree with her, which is a lot. A lot. Definitely a lot.

"You're entitled to your opinion but I know what's right."

She says it all the time.

All the time.
The "I'm older than you, so I KNOW what's right" card. Well, I'm now older than a lot of people, but I'm still stupid, so that theory doesn't hold true in my case.

Still, best not say too much, or it'll sound like I'm a stirrer.
Oh God, I own a shrug, *and* I say "naahrmin" and "it's impawwwww'an'", but only when I am mercilessly lampooning EastEnders. Maybe it's just my part of town, but I never seem to hear women saying anything in the street. Too busy trying to find their iPods in little Jake's nappy bag, probably. Naahrmin?
Well, all the kids around here are called Chelsea, Jordan, Lewis, Reese or Ellie. I think it might be to do with a local by-law. And there is a fair bit of shouting on the street too ...
one love to u for your truth-telling outside of ideology :)
Cheers, duck. I'm not sure about it being truth-telling, though.
I'm troubled by this shrug thing, naahrmin? I don't think I've ever seen one. Are they dangerous? Do they have them in Hertfordshire?

Orpjwamc. A native American now resident in Orpington.
I did a Google search and keyed in shrugs on a site called http://uk.shopping.com/ where there are an extensive number of them. I think they could be dangerous - as I said earlier, they don't cover your kidneys, so they could bring on a cold, or a stiff back, or kidneys stones - who knows? I'm sure there must be some in Hertfordshire - at least in the built up areas. They're probably outnumbered by Barbour jackets though, I would've thought.
P'raps they HIDE them under their Barbours, naaahrmin?

Wubozp. A rare central American web-footed marsupial.
Oh no. I own a Barbour. It is 25 years old though - does that make it better? I don't own a shrug, although I surpose I could just go and put on one of my daughter's cardies.

apmvh: word from Eastenders meaning calender division
Oh alright, alright, I must admit I saw a sequinned one in a mauvey purpley colour I was quite taken with - then I remembered my clubbing days are well behind me and common sense prevailed.
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