Tuesday, July 05, 2005


According to the world's most reliable news source, erm, GMTV, Jacques Chirac has set up his stall during G8 week. Apparently, in an off-mic moment, he said that the British can't be trusted because our cuisine is the worst in the world, and all that Britain has contributed to agriculture is the mad cow (... I know, I know, but she was booted out of office in 1990. Oh, how my sides ache).

Heartening to see a world leader getting things into perspective. Bob Geldof must be chuffed.

Still, I'm sure that at some point there will be a big banquet this week at Gleneagles where Tony Blair will be able to get his own back, and the two will be able to pass hastily scribbled notes down the table to each other:

TONY BLAIR: I don't care. Our food is the best, and at least we don't eat horses, and our apples don't taste all watery and horrible.

JACQUES CHIRAC: I don't care. Anyway, at least I haven't got stupid sticky out ears.

BLAIR: Oh, ha ha. Nobody likes the French anyway because they all smell.

CHIRAC: That is so not true. Anyway, YOU fancy Condoleezza Rice.

BLAIR: That is SO not true.

CHIRAC: It so is. AND you sent her a text telling her she is well fit and that. AND you blush like a girl when you talk about her.

BLAIR: Oh, piss off.

Chirac stands up to make an announcement to the table:

"Listen everybody! Tony Blair fancies Condoleezza Rice!"

(All the other G8 leaders start laughing))

"AND he texted her, AND he thinks she has got nice tits, but nothing will come of it because they are both gay queers!!"

The rest of the G8 leaders laugh their heads off and point at Tony Blair and throw their serviettes at him. A food fight ensues.

We really can make poverty history.

lol Betty, shame to think you are probably very near the truth! Mind you I have to agree with Chirac when it comes to haggis it is the spawn of an evil mind!
jane: what CAN you mean? haggis is a marvellous foodstuff and i'm hoping mr chirac was pinned down and force fed it at the summit

i think he even had a pop at finnish food - i ask you...i mean, we all love a finny take-out of a saturday evening do we not?
Blimey UC, you're taking your life into your hands opening the creaking vaults of this dusty old archive. It will probably give you asthma.
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