Thursday, June 23, 2005


Each resident of the British Isles should breathe a collective sigh of relief. Coldplay's album went straight in at number one in 68,72,804 countries, thus saving us from a hellish money market freefall and a future of squalor and poverty for all of us. Indeed, the FTSE index rose by 180 points the day after Coldplay's chart success was announced. It also does the heart good to know that there are so many nice, polite, well-brought-up people in their late 20's and early 30's in 68,72,804 countries around the world.

Now, the big question - can the Crazy Frog do the same for Sweden? After the huge success of the ringtone and Axel F single, can he be the biggest Swedish export since Abba were the biggest export since Volvo?

Initial reports are not good. Already he feels he is "too big" to go on "Top Of The Pops", resulting in some of the most woeful TOTP performances ever - half a dozen or so dancers from the Sylvia Young C-List who have obviously been told to make something up an hour before going on stage.

The rumour mill is also implying that there are "difficulties" in recording the album due to his overindulgence in the cliched rock star lifestyle of booze, exquisite drugs and beautiful but easily pleased women on tap.

It looks as though the classic "celebrity can't handle sudden fame" story is unfolding infront of our eyes. Discovered skulking behind a dustbin on a Malmo patio, he had previously spent his time in muddy bits of the garden or jumping out of the way of lawnmowers in order to avoid a grisly death - the life of any pond scum, basically. It's no surprise he can't cope with sudden huge wealth, press intrusion and hoardes of "yes men" boosting his ego.

Still, his record company has tentatively released a list of cover versions which will appear on the album and which they report he will interpret in his "own unique style":

"Spawn To Be Wild" - Steppenwolf
"Life Begins At The Hop" - XTC
"The Green Man" - Shut Up And Dance
"Pondlife" - Blur
"Ribbit" - Chas 'n' Dave
"Pictures Of Lilypad" - The Who
"Lovers Of Toady" - The Only Ones
"Croak 'n' Roll Star" - Oasis

Notice - cover versions only. The usual record company "safe" option. A bad sign. Whether this album goes on to be a world beater, or an overindulgent folly like the Stone Roses' "Second Coming" remains to be seen.

Remember, Betty, when you make the leap to sudden fame, it's not easy being green. I remember the same thing happened to the Punk artist Tadpole Tudor, who was expected to spawn a whole pond of frog artistes - but whatever happened to him?
Absolutely, Wyndham - Tadpole disappeared under mysterious circumstances as far as I know, but one particularly unpleasant rumour suggests he ended up on the menu of a top restaurant.
Yes, he had no legs for catering.
So he's not covering Paul McCartney's Frog Song? I would have thought that was a gimme for #1. Just wait till he gets backing vocals from the chicken. Then we'll be in ringtone hell.

Re-release Ace of Spades!!
Thing is, Mr Me, Me, Me, the latest frog ringtone sees him assuming the role of dj - a highly lucrative career move. Mind you, it is a bit odd seeing him without his motorbiker's helmet - like getting used to Paul Daniels without the hairpiece.
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