Friday, May 06, 2005


Unlike him at http://geoffsdreamblog.blogspot.com I don't keep having these dreams, you see.

Instead, this morning I woke up after an undisturbed night and immediately thought of B.A. Robertson and Maggie Bell doing "Hold Me" on Top Of The Pops, circa 1980.

B.A. Robertson and Maggie Bell doing TOTP is one of the worst things of all time. It is an amalgamation of various awful elements combining to produce something unspeakable.

B.A. Robertson was a Scottish singer songwriter of the late 1970's who had produced a number of annoying "humorous" songs in the manner of someone in their late '20's who had heard The New Wave music and had rather liked the idea of it, if only the band members were proper musicians who had learnt their chops. He wore baggy double breasted jackets, skinny ties and skinny jeans, in the manner of someone who is getting on a bit but can appreciate a bit of New Wave ("Okay, fair enough, the Pistols have taken things too far but Elvis Costello and the Police are almost as good as the Eagles!!!"). This satorial tendency, thankfully, has all but died out nowadays with the exception of Jeremy Clarkson (enough said). Robertson had the vile habit of sinking his hands into his jacket pockets with the thumbs sticking out. All of these things must surely point to him being one of the most thoroughly disreputable fellows ever to appear on the British stage, before he even opened his mouth.

Oh, yes, and he also has a big chin. I know this is really lookist, but some people can carry a chin like an ironing board. He could not.

Then there is his accomplice in Hell, Ms Maggie Bell (do you see what I did there?). In the cliched style, she could be described as a "veteran white blues belter" - are there four words combined in the English language which offer such little promise of enjoyment of any sort? In an equally cliched manner, she could also be described as a "fiery ball of energy". I think we know where we are by now: she had a voice like a foghorn and that was about it really.

The song "Hold Me" appears to have been something from the late 1950's or early 1960's - er, I appear to be treading similar ground to a recent post. Once more, I'm clueless as to its origins and rue the times I didn't concentrate on "Jimmy Saville's Old Record Club" ... I have a feeling Johnny Kidd and the Pirates might have recorded it, but don't quote me on it.

In the hands of Robertson and Bell, it stood no chance.

Still, I try to see life as a half full glass rather than a half empty one. No, REALLY.

Having endured seeing Robertson and Bell do their awful thing on the telly, I emerged as a far stronger person, able to face the challenges presented by the drab '80's music to come, from Duran Duran at the beginning of the decade to Craig McClaghlan doing "Hey Mona" at the end.

From darkness came light. And from pain came forth strength.

I have some great ideas :) But no time to explain right now. Nevermind. Next time.
Right you are then.
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