Monday, April 25, 2005


Spotted in town at the weekend - our local MP, Nigel Beard (like ZZ Top's Frank Beard he doesn't have a beard). Nothing unusual in seeing your local MP so close to a general election of course, especially as we are in a marginal seat, and hence the constant bombardment of leaflets from the local Labour Party office (today's pledge from Nigel - "Crackdown on graffiti and vandals" - what, in that order? Or is he going to be tough on graffiti and tough on the causes of graffiti?).

However, at the weekend he seemed to be in somewhat reduced circumstances - he was driving his own election car, looking grim faced in the weekend traffic jams and with music blaring out (or should that, tee hee, be "Blairing Out"? Oh my aching sides). The tune was one of those late fifties/early sixties instrumentals which I can't quite place: no, it wasn't "Nut Rocker" by Bee Bumble and the Stingers. Neither was it anything by Jet Harris and Tony Meehan, but something in that style. Shit, I really should have put all those years of listening to the entirely surreal "Jimmy Saville's Old Record Club" (featuring Uncle Ted and Graham Archive) to better use. Unpleasant memories come flooding back of Sir James saying "now then, I am going to be easy with you on account of all them millions of points I got from you last week for "A Walk In The Black Forest" by Horst Jankowski, you see". If the last sentence doesn't make much sense to you as you didn't listen to the show, take comfort from the fact that it is barely comprehensible to me either.

Still, I digress, and must return to the fate of Nigel Beard.

I think that, after the election, he will still be driving around the same block, still looking grim faced, and with the same music playing on a loop.

For ever and ever.

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