Tuesday, January 11, 2005


Flicking through the t.v. channels this morning, I happened upon "Celebrity Big Brother" (avoiding these programmes is like avoiding a winter cold or the currently popular Projectile Vomiting Bug). There was Happy Mondays' one-time dancer Bez - for those who are unaware of his existence prior to "Big Brother" Bez is not a dancer in the same arena, shall we say, as Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire. His nickname is not "Fleet Of Foot" Bez.

Anyway, there he was, dressed in black frock coat, velveteen breeches and buckled shoes, apparently motivating Channel Four's racing pundit, who was throwing a monumental sulk for reasons I haven't fathomed yet.

"It's a new day - you've got to find your aim and focus on what you want - that's what I do, man".

A focussed, motivated Bez, giving a speech like someone at a "How To Succeed In Business Management" seminar.

I then recalled seeing Happy Mondays live, circa 1987 (as I was wont to do at the time), with vocalist Shaun Ryder suavely announcing at one point "the drummer is a drunken c*nt". The band were a bit ramshackle that night if truth be told, and the venue was half empty ("aah, but you could have seen it as being half full!" the all-new, positivist Bez might suggest).

If I had been able to see into the future, and had predicted all the Big Brother shenanigans mentioned above would occur infront of a big t.v. audience nearly 18 years later, I would have undoubtedly been locked up for my own good and the good of the public at large. Or, if I was very unlucky and lived in a remote Scottish hamlet, a lay preacher would have been brought around to my house to exorcise me.

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